How I Overcame Childhood Trauma, Mental Illnesses, & Substance Abuse On My Own

I always think of a line from Truckin’ by the Dead when I reflect on my life- “What a long strange trip it’s been.” 

It’s been bittersweet and surreal. I’ve had amazing experiences. I’ve also been plagued with psychological warfare the majority of my life. 

All the detours I took, falling so many times- they all led to my sobriety and healing journey. 

In the past 7.5 years (at the time of publishing this post), I’ve unpacked a lifetime of trauma, worked through mental illnesses, sexual assaults, and stayed sober on my own. 

I did this without a support system– no AA, rehab, detox, therapy, friends or family. The following is how I did it.

I STOPPED GASLIGHTING MYSELF WITH TOXIC POSITIVITY 

This was the hardest to overcome. It had become such a part of my story that it was me. I didn’t even realize I was doing it until I was able to be objective. 

The words I used to speak- “They were right, it was my fault why they did that and I’m being too sensitive. But the sun will rise tomorrow which is a new opportunity for me to be kinder and calmer.”

Unfortunately, that doesn’t work when you’re in a toxic relationship or trying to heal from one. It only exacerbates the trauma bond. I also wound up creating more trauma for myself. 

So I changed the relationship I have with myself and began validating my experiences and emotions. When we do that, we don’t feel the need to over explain ourselves or worse, being “emotionally slutty” because we’re so desperate for someone to hear our side. 

FOCUSED ON MY MIND, BODY, SOUL CONNECTION

Spirituality has always been a part of me. So I knew sobriety wasn’t just about not drinking. 

It was about reconnecting with lost parts of myself, shedding layers of who I thought I was, and aligning with my soul’s purpose. 

No, I didn’t always handle it with grace. I resisted my calling even when it couldn’t be any clearer. I’ve stumbled countless times, barely picking myself up after each fall, and feared really loving myself. Because it meant that I would have to embrace everything I didn’t like about me. But all of these experiences also led me back to myself. 

STOPPED PROVING MYSELF

Trying to prove our value and worth to people who are committed to misunderstanding us is a lost cause. We know that. We don’t always fully grasp it. But when we do, everything shifts. 

When people insisted they knew me better than I knew myself, I went deeper into self-awareness. When people tried to make me play small or diminish my self-worth, I decided I wasn’t just going to accept who I am. I was going to love every part of me- the good, the bad, the ugly.

When no one believed in me, I doubled down in my belief in myself. 

I SET STANDARDS 

I had absolutely no idea what standards were. I thought it meant being a self-sacrificing doormat and somehow, miraculously, people would see my worth. 

That never seems to work though. And it took so many brutally painful lessons for me to understand it. 

So I changed the way I show up for myself. It starts with us. We can’t set standards with others (at least, not effectively) until we set them with ourselves. 

I FORGAVE MYSELF 

I defiled myself because I thought tough love was what I needed. And while we do need to be stern with ourselves at times, we can’t demoralize ourselves to prove a point to ourselves. The only thing we get in return is lower self-esteem and even more self-sabotaging behaviors. 

So I started forgiving myself for the times I wasn’t perfect, for the drinking days, for not understanding what was happening to me. I forgave myself for becoming who others wanted me to be. 

DECIDED WHO I WANTED TO BE

I always dreamed about the upgraded version of myself, thinking, “one day, I’ll be her.” Then I realized one day is today. 

So I made lifestyle and behavioral changes. I started rewriting my inner truths and embodying who I wanted to be. It was a slow progression but I also wasn’t looking for quick fixes. 

This was about making a lifelong commitment to becoming someone I’ve never met. It gets messy and chaotic. In that process, we often find ourselves having to deconstruct layers upon layers so we can rebuild ourselves.  

STARTED TRUSTING THE DIVINE

Even though my stepfather and mother weren’t religious or spiritual, I’ve always believed in a higher power since I was a little girl. I’ve also had too many serendipitous moments and mystical experiences to deny the unseen forces. 

But trust isn’t something that comes easily for me. Slowly (like a snail’s pace), I started to allow my life to unfold in such a way that only the Universe can deliver. And no, it isn’t always smooth sailing, especially when you’re used to being in control, but it’s been magical. 

FOUND HOME WITHIN MYSELF

When we’re raised to be an extension of someone else, we have no sovereignty. So we look outside of ourselves- to define our worth, for validation, for love, to be saved. 

Until we figure out that everything we’ve been indoctrinated to believe is a lie, we’ll keep repeating the same patterns. Which is what happened to me. 

Then the epiphany came- I needed to come back home. I had absolutely idea what that looked like. But I knew how I wanted to feel. So I kept lifting the veil of what others perceived me to be and went deeper into my heart’s truth. 

I’ll see you soon…in the meantime, love yourself so much that even a Hallmark Christmas movie would be jealous.