How to change the relationship you have with yourself in recovery

How to change the relationship you have with yourself in recovery

In early sobriety, we’re strangers to ourselves. It seems nearly impossible to even change the relationship you have with yourself because how can you when you don’t even know who you are?

We’ve been held captive in the darkness for so long that we forget what the light looks like. We don’t even recognize the person staring back at us in the mirror. All we know is that we don’t want to be where we’re at. That much we know.

Today, we’re going to help you with that. So grab a cup of coffee or tea, get comfy and let’s explore how you can have self-love in recovery.


Create a vision

Even if you don’t know who you are or only have a vague idea of what you want, it’s a starting point. use the power of neuroscience to create a sober board. It isn’t permanent so you can always change it as you continue to grow and evolve.

Those pictures you love but can’t really pinpoint why you like them- put them on your board. The lyrics to that song that makes you feel whole even though you can’t quite describe why it completes you- put that on your board. Anything that makes you feel alive with passion- get that on the board.

Set boundaries

Every time you say yes when you really mean no or hold back from speaking up is an act of self-betrayal. Of course, there are situations when it’s better to not lay down brutal honesty but you have the emotional intelligence to know the difference so use that to your advantage. 

No relationship will ever thrive without boundaries. Especially if you’re looking to change the relationship you have with yourself. Start small, like committing to one new habit.

Align your heart and mind

There’s a tug of war between the heart and mind- do we listen to logic or do we do the wildly passionate, exciting thing that makes absolutely no sense? Sometimes things aren’t supposed to make sense in the moment. 

Until then, we need to trust that those nudges are there for a reason. Those inner knowings- it’s bringing us to fulfillment, not to detract or hold us back from living life. In the meantime, we can use logic and reason to take us where ever our inner compass is steering us. 


Accept that recovery isn’t linear

This one is a game changer to change the relationship you have with yourself. We place unrealistic expectations upon ourselves. ALL. THE. TIME. From when we should be healed by, to the amount of time it should take to accept sobriety, to even thinking that every day should be fun and filled with adventures. 

Time isn’t linear. So we can’t expect recovery to be either. 

When you release any preconceived notion you have, you automatically set yourself up to win. You won’t demean yourself for being behind, or not being strong enough to heal through really intense emotions, or feeling like a failure because you didn’t achieve a certain goal by a self-imposed deadline. There are no deadlines in healing. 

Prioritize yourself

Is it just me or do you find yourself bending over backwards for other people to “atone” for all your mistakes during your drinking days? Doing that goes beyond radical acceptance, into a territory that can lead to mental illness.

It’s natural to feel bad for hurting those you love when you were drinking. But you also can’t keep apologizing for it for the rest of your life. It won’t heal you or anyone else, only hinder your progress.

How are you changing the relationship you have with yourself in recovery? Leave a comment below- you never know who you’ll inspire. And please be sure to share this with someone you know would benefit from this read.

I’ll see you soon…in the meantime, love yourself so much that even a Hallmark Christmas movie would be jealous.

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