Thanks for paying me a visit!

Hemingway had said, “There is nothing to writing. All you have to do is sit in front of a typewriter and let your heart bleed.”

That’s how I feel right now. But, I’m never one to shy away from a challenge. So it goes. 

I’ve been raped more times than I can count. What I can say is that I dated two of my rapists. I’ve been arrested three times. I attempted suicide on several occasions. I’ve been hospitalized (the irony is that they weren’t from suicide attempts). I’ve lost jobs and relationships with those I deeply cared for. 

Because of drinking. 

I was far from a functioning alcoholic. But I didn’t care. Because I didn’t want to live. 

I used to drink as quickly as I could (sometimes mixing it with drugs) all the while praying to God and the Universe to take me out of my pain and suffering. 

Every morning I woke up feeling like a degenerate failure. Not just for drinking. But because I couldn’t even succeed in death. 

I had tried AA, outpatient rehab, and therapy all to no avail. I can’t tell you how many times I attempted sobriety because I lost count. What I do know is that I had more “12 hour days” than “day ones.” This obviously didn’t help in alleviating the feelings of me thinking I was an aberration. 

Five years ago, those feelings changed when I had a date with fate. I met the man who at the time I thought was the love of my life. No matter how old I get, I’ll never forget the look in his eyes when our gaze met for the first time. 

And definitely not the feelings that washed over me. For the first time in my entire existence, life made sense. I was finally home. Naively, I also thought this was going to be the person who would “save” me.

I didn’t know what to make of these emotions because I had never felt anything this intense and poignant in my life. All I knew was I needed more. 

But as luck would have it, my intuition quickly intervened and pulled me out of my reverie. I was warned not to date him because he was going to break my heart in a thousand pieces within six months. It also went on to acknowledge that I wouldn’t listen and as a result, I would learn the greatest lesson of my life. 

Naturally, I ignored the inner guidance. And threw caution to the wind. I mean- this was the greatest drug I had ever experienced, so how could I resist? 

Sure enough, five and a half months later he broke my heart in a thousand pieces. There are no words to describe the pain that coursed through my body and mind. Till this day, I can’t cohesively string together the emotions. Because it can’t be explained in words. 

When I look back at it, the breakup was a blessing in disguise. Because that man, which no one prior to, had awoken a part of me. But it also killed a piece of me. 

We were fated to meet. Not for happily ever after. But so the heartbreak could guide me to my destiny. 

The breakup was not only the catalyst for my sobriety, it taught me that only I could save myself. 

In my time of weakness was when I found my greatest strength. 

It was then I decided I was going to quit drinking and become the love of my life. 

I was scared sh!tless. I had no idea what I was doing. I also didn’t have a physical support system. 

All modalities of addiction treatments were out of the question because they were ineffective in the past. 

So I winged it. With the help of the Divine. 

I made so many mistakes during my journey and still do. But never once have I faltered. And I attribute that to the tools and resources I culminated along the way. 

I still use all of them because it’s about more than staying sober. It’s my lifestyle. 

And that’s why I’m here. To help you achieve sobriety filled with self-love. 

Sobriety isn’t just about staying sober. It’s about developing a healthy and loving relationship with yourself. Because when you do, NOTHING will stand in the way of you and your sobriety.

When you learn how to internalize your power, you no longer feel the need to externalize it through substances.

Anything you want can be yours- including sobriety. As long as you allow yourself to receive the blessings and guidance of the Universe.  It’s time to rock your recovery.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I’m looking forward to getting to know you.

XOXO,

Eva

The date of my rebirth is 9/05/16. 

I only drink hot drinks (even in the scorching heat) 

Seriously. Even when I make smoothies at home, I bypass the ice. I’m always cold so having anything with ice will freeze my butt off. 

Fuck is my favorite word.

Nope. Having a potty mouth isn’t the most attractive trait but I can’t help that my favorite word happens to be a bit taboo.

I have a fetish for coffee mugs.

This doesn’t really support me cutting down on the possessions I own. But I can’t help myself when I look on Etsy and see the cutest campfire mug that makes me feel so much joy when I imagine myself taking that first sip of tea. 

I LOVE LOVE LOVE psychological thrillers.

Who doesn’t love a good mind fuck every so often? Told you fuck’s my favorite word. 

I’ll remember someone’s astrological sign before I remember their birthday.

It’s true. But I’m obsessed with astrology. I would rather know someone’s sun, moon, and rising signs because then I know them on a much more prolific level than I would with a birthday. 

I secretly wanted to work for the CIA as a child.

I used to fantasize what it would be like to be a spy and live a life of secrecy. Naturally, working for the CIA became a career goal of mine.

To say the occult and mysticism is a fascination of mine is an understatement. It courses through my veins. 

I get bored easily. But studying the occult and mysticism always leaves me wanting more. It’s been this way since I was child and only grows deeper the older I get. It’s a part of who I am.

I cancelled my Netflix subscription about 2 months before the pandemic and haven’t rejoined. 

Who woulda thought? I honestly didn’t think I would possess that much discipline to be able to cancel the subscription, but to abstain from it while in quarantine was mind boggling to me. 

Roger Moore was my favorite James Bond.

Yes. I have an affinity for James Bond movies. Particularly the older ones. There was this je ne sais quoi that Roger Moore possessed which captivates me beyond words. 

I LOVE LOVE LOVE psychological thrillers.

Who doesn’t love a good mind fuck every so often? Told you fuck’s my favorite word. 

I finally learned how to knit!

Knitting was something I’ve wanted to learn since I was a kid but lacked the confidence to attempt for sooooo long. Too long. Then it just became excuses of why I shouldn’t. I finally said screw it and went for it. Who knows? Maybe I’ll start knitting my own sweaters soon enough.