Sobriety comes with a world of possibilities. But that can sometimes lead to unfulfilled promises if we don’t learn how to reparent ourselves. We’re going to change that. Today, you’re going to learn how to show up for yourself.
Since right around birth, we have all been programmed to behave a certain way. That conditioning dictates how we live our life.
Sometimes what we’ve learned doesn’t give us the opportunity to become functional adults. So we’re left stuck, wondering why we don’t have healthy relationships with ourselves and others. Until those old paradigms are shattered, we’ll keep repeating the same mistakes.
However, with gentle and deliberate effort, you can take the steps to nurture the parts of yourself that were neglected when you were a kid.
Because this is about healing old wounds and not creating new ones, give yourself the space and compassion to unlearn old behavioral patterns while creating new ones. As Julia Cameron so aptly says, “progress, not perfection.”
As someone who has learned how to get sober without a support system and reparent myself, I’m going to walk you through a process of six steps that you can begin right now.
If you would like to take a holistic approach to recovery with science backed research, you can check out the MIND BODY SOUL MINI COURSE.
Ways to reparent yourself in sobriety:
- Validate your emotions
- Physically release the trauma
- Celebrate your wins
- Embrace yourself
- Take Accountability
- Have compassion for yourself
Validate your emotions
I know this one’s tough, especially when you’re so used to running away from your emotions. But it’s also the only way you can heal on a deeply fundamental level. Start feeling what you need to feel. Let it all come to the surface.
Sometimes we need to revisit the past to heal from it. But that doesn’t mean reliving the past. There’s a fine line between it being constructive and when it’s debilitating our growth. How do you tell the difference between the two?
Here’s an example: We’ve all been scolded for eating something we shouldn’t have eaten as children. In some cases, there was physical and emotional abuse involved. In others, it was a warning to not cross that line again.
When that same scenario gets played over and over in your mind (no matter the severity of the scolding), you’re reliving the past. If that memory surfaces and you choose to ignore it, you’re repressing the trauma of that incident.
Whether you’re reliving your past of repressing it, it’s perfectly normal. We all have different ways of processing emotions.
But this is also your opportunity to grow from them. Don’t dismiss your feelings and emotions. Because no matter how illogical or irrational anyone thinks they are (even yourself), they’re there for a reason. Witness them without judgment. Feel the sensations in your body.
Pro tip: If you’re the type who relives the past, the next tip is really going to benefit you.
Physically release the trauma
Have you ever seen a video of an animal that shakes and trembles after experiencing trauma? That’s because they are shaking the trauma out of their bodies.
We don’t do that. Trauma is literally stuck in our bodies. The more we ignore it, the deeper it gets repressed. There are so many ways you can physically release trauma, but for the sake of keeping this simple, I’m going to focus on two ways- yoga and shaking it off.
I can’t begin to rave enough about yoga. When people ask me how I got and stayed sober without anyone or anything, I always respond with yoga and meditation. They are life transforming. THIS is an excellent article explaining how yoga helps to release trauma.
The second way is to shake it off. You can dance or just shake your body, paying attention to where you’re tight and tense. The shoulders, hips, neck, arms, lower back- focus on those areas to release repressed energy. If you’re like me and feel self-conscious, this is also great to help you feel safer and more secure in your body.
Celebrate your wins
No matter how big or small, celebrate your victories. Even if the best you could do today was to get in the shower, celebrate that. The more you acknowledge that you’re worthy of your own time and attention, the more you start to show up for yourself. Reward yourself for the little things- buy flowers or chocolate. Write a self-love letter. Enjoy a movie night because you had a great day.
Embrace yourself
When was the last time you embraced yourself? Paid yourself a compliment? Or even said “I love you” to yourself?
Probably not in a long time. Maybe never. For those of us who had highly dysfunctional childhoods, this is a foreign concept to us. But we’re also biologically wired to have connections. That includes having a relationship with ourselves.
Even if you only do it today, give yourself a hug. Feel the warmth of your arms wrapped around your shoulders. Say something nice to yourself. Look in the mirror and say, “I love you.”
Take Accountability
I need to preface this by saying that accountability is not the same as self-blame. You’re not at fault for what happened to you. This is just about assuming responsibility for where you’re currently at.
If we didn’t have a strong foundation growing up, we’re not taught to take healthy accountability. We may even develop extreme behavioral patterns- an all or nothing mentality. We can hustle and burn the oil at both ends for weeks straight. But then hibernate for another few weeks. Even if we try our best, balance seems to elude us.
That’s ok because we can’t understand what we don’t know. Instead of beating yourself up for not doing things the right way or not knowing better, hold yourself accountable. Set goals, make deadlines, schedule your tasks, etc.
Have compassion for yourself
Like time, recovery isn’t linear. Some days you feel like you can conquer the world. Some days, you feel like you’re being suffocated by your own mind. Have compassion for yourself, especially when it’s the last thing you can give.
If it were a family member, child, or friend, you would be there for them in their time of need. So be there for yourself because those are the times you need yourself most.
If you have one take away from this, let it be that you are so worthy of love, especially from yourself.
I’d love to hear from you in the comments below- how do you reparent yourself in sobriety? What have been the challenges and lessons you’ve learned?
If you know anyone that would benefit from this, please be sure to share it with them.
I’ll see you soon…in the meantime, love yourself so much that even a Hallmark Christmas movie would be jealous.
