The man who I thought was the love of my life had recently broken up with me. I wasn’t lost or even just existing. I felt like a dead woman trying to climb out of my grave.
That breakup made me realize I needed to quit drinking. But I was so scared.
So much of my identity had been wrapped in my own warped beliefs surrounding drinking. It made me fun, confident, and gave me moxie. Until it didn’t.
I was also the family scapegoat. So playing into the role of never being good enough, always being a screw up, and that I would never amount to anything more than mediocrity- well, alcohol was the perfect companion.
I didn’t know how to unbecome who I was. And quite frankly, a part of me didn’t want to.
Drinking and pain were who I was. It gave me a reason to keep playing it small and live through everyone else’s lens instead of looking within myself.
The Universe had a different plan for me. It was 9/5/16.
I was folding laundry while listening to a tarot reading on YouTube. As I was debating whether or not I should have one last hoorah before calling it quits, the tarot reader pulled out an Archangel Michael oracle card.
I’ve always felt a kinship to him so I cut off the internal dialogue to listen to the message.
She said, “Archangel Michael wants you to know if any of you Sagittarius’ are alcoholics, you need to quit drinking.”
That. Was. My. Moment.
Right then and there, I let it all go. It wasn’t even a conversation with my spiritual team. I felt this with every fiber of my being- psychologically and physiologically.
In that moment of surrender, a wave of peace washed over me. I had no idea how I was going to start loving and respecting myself, let alone how I was going to survive myself.
But that didn’t matter. None of it did because I knew things were going to be ok. And I would figure it out along the way.
When I made that decision, I felt all the desire for alcohol leaving. I even asked myself, “What was I thinking?”
Without detox, rehab, therapy, friends, family, or even AA, I quit drinking. Right then and there.
I had tried AA, outpatient rehab, and therapy in the past. But things didn’t click for me. They didn’t resonate with me on a soul level. Something always felt off.
I was also intuitively guided to go on this journey solo. It didn’t make any sense to me at the time but I knew it was time to start listening to the internal compass.
So, with nothing and no one, I began trusting in the Universe/God that I was being guided every step of the way.
Now I’m here to help you rewrite your story one breath at a time.
I’ll see you soon…in the meantime, love yourself so much that even a Hallmark Christmas movie would be jealous.
