Imagining A Better Life For Yourself In Sobriety

The law of reciprocity says that we get what we give.

Physics says for every action, there’s an equal reaction.

Neuroscience says that neurons that fire together, wire together (Hebb’s Law).

We know what we put out, we get back. But, we don’t really think about our thoughts because 95% of them are already hardwired. It’s a program that’s been running since right around the time we were born, and about 70% of those thoughts are toxic. By the time we’re about seven years old, those thoughts become habitual beliefs.

So, it’s easy to dismiss the thoughts we don’t allow ourselves to indulge in- the dreams we have, the goals we hope to accomplish, the life that seems too far in the distant future for this life. And instead, we focus on what’s going wrong, what character or physical traits we wish we didn’t have, the mistakes we’ve made, the times we should have chosen differently, it goes on and on.

We say things like…

“Why can’t I have that?”
“If that didn’t happen, I wouldn’t be where I’m at today.”
“I’ll finally be happy when I get what I want.”

The more we repeat those phrases or anything that isn’t contributing to our growth, the more we believe them. And if we believe that we can’t achieve our dreams, well, why bother even trying if it’s only going to end in heartbreak?

But, the same concept applies when we repeat the words that motivate and inspire us. Eventually those words become truths, truths that help us to see a potential in ourselves that wasn’t there when all we used to see was failure.

TRY THIS:

Why can’t I have that?

Next time, when you wonder why you can’t have something, legitimately ask yourself, why can’t you have it? Because there is no legitimate reason why you can’t have it.

Maybe you’ve already tried a few or several times to reach your goal. But if we’re using the past as a reason to give up instead of reflecting on how we can grow, then we’re not really growing. We’re just staying stuck.

Our dreams don’t become a reality through hard work alone. We need to believe in ourselves and believe what we want is achievable.

And yes, we do have to put in the effort. But, effort also includes getting into alignment with what we want. Hustle doesn’t get us too far, except for being too tired to get off the couch on our days off. So, there needs to be tangible and psychological effort.

Start making changes to the way you think about your dreams and yourself. And when you change how you think about yourself, you’ll stop asking yourself why you can’t have certain things. You’ll know that it will be yours in Divine timing.

If that didn’t happen, I wouldn’t be where I’m at today.

If something didn’t happen, no, we wouldn’t be where we’re at right now. But, that goes both ways. You also made a ton of right decisions. That’s not to say, it could have been worse so count your blessings. No, something can always be worse, that doesn’t mean we should diminish how we’re feeling.

But it does mean that we can focus on how we can build a better future for ourselves after going through something painful. And it means that we can be better people despite having our heart broken. And, we can also be the person we’ve always needed and wanted to be. There’s so many variables how this can play out, so choose the ones that help you to win.

I’ll finally be happy when I get what I want.

Don’t delay your gratification. Find happiness right now. And if for any reason, you can’t find anything to be happy about, create circumstances to be happy about right now- play your favorite song, have your favorite latte, eat breakfast for dinner. Whatever it is that makes you happy, do it.

No, it won’t solve your problems right away. But we also don’t solve our problems when we’re stressing or panicking about them. The solutions come when we’re at ease and relaxed. So, have fun, unwind, and let yourself enjoy life, even if it’s just for a moment.

Take a moment to reflect on the things you talk yourself out of, the things you say will never work out, and the things you secretly wish for.

Then, let yourself think about the life you want. Immerse yourself in it. Feel into what it would be like to have the things you don’t fully daydream about because you don’t want to be disappointed.

Don’t hold back. Don’t stop because you think it’s stupid or it’ll never happen. You owe yourself so much more than that.

And for the moments when the fears and doubts creep in, ask yourself, what’s going to break your heart- having to do something over and over until you get it right, or not taking the chance on yourself at all?

I’ll see you soon…in the meantime, love yourself so much that even a Hallmark Christmas movie would be jealous.