The following are words I’ve struggled with. I didn’t know how to articulate it for what seems like an eternity.
They were also truths I lived by- partly because of my own judgments about myself and partly, because, well, I’m tired of being polite, so I’ll call it what they are- judgmental f*cks who think they’re morally superior.
Now that I do have the words, I hope it helps you in case you’re struggling with any stigmas surrounding substance abuse.
IT’S A CHOICE.
No, it isn’t. You didn’t wake up one day and say to yourself, “You know what? Today is a great day to destroy my life.”
It was a slow, gradual accumulation of using substances to cope with wounds that were too painful and raw to confront. Eventually, it got the best of you. Maybe you’ve even tried to quit, but couldn’t. Or you relapsed. It can feel like a choice in those moments, but it isn’t.
Your brain and nervous system adapted survival strategies to keep you alive, as ironic as it sounds. It was your body and brain’s way of protecting you. This was never a conscious or intellectual choice- it was survival.
YOU ARE POWERLESS
If you were truly powerless, you would have already succumbed to your addiction, but you didn’t. That’s a testament to how much power you hold within yourself. You just haven’t recognized it yet.
And you will- one thought, one habit, one breath at a time.
IT’S A DISEASE THAT CAN TAKE YOU AT ANY MOMENT.
It’s a dysregulation of your nervous system. You regulate that by allowing yourself to rest, digest, restore, and heal- not by living in fear. The threat is an internal imbalance, which just needs a slight recalibration, not something lurking around the corner, waiting for you to let your guard down.
ONCE AN ADDICT, ALWAYS AN ADDICT
This isn’t so black and white. When you decide to quit any addiction, and focus on your spiritual evolution and personal growth, you stop resonating with toxic behavior patterns. That doesn’t mean you should try to keep it in moderation- but you’re also no longer confined to your own personal prison.
You outgrow a version of yourself that needs the substances to psychologically, emotionally, and mentally survive- and you grow into the version of yourself you daydream about becoming. That version of yourself doesn’t resort to addiction; they’re in alignment.
ADDICTS ARE DANGEROUS
Every single one of us has destructive habits. The most dangerous people are the ones who refuse to look in the proverbial mirror.
Battling a substance is nothing but a visible shame war. That isn’t dangerous- it’s a raw truth that needs to be acknowledged.
Finding your sovereignty doesn’t happen by accident. It happens when you sit with yourself in the moments you don’t know how to, when you show up for yourself in the moments when you don’t want to, and in the moments you hold reverence for the chapters you’re ashamed of.
So, be gentle with yourself. Cherish the moments you have with yourself. And enjoy this journey of what we call life.
I’ll see you soon…in the meantime, love yourself so much that even a Hallmark Christmas movie would be jealous.
