There’s an ignorance to, “you have to be willing to help yourself” that I’ve tried to understand, but no longer want to dignify. It exacerbates shame, it’s condescending, and it isn’t even rooted in science.
Substance abuse is NOT a choice. It’s a combination of nervous system dysregulation, subconscious programing, and neural wiring. When we’ve been biologically conditioned to feel worthless, this combination is a recipe that makes us dive into the inferno of self-destruction.
Your relapses aren’t because you can’t. It’s because it’s your safe space, as ironic as that sounds. Our brain and body do not intellectualize safety.
Safety is in the familiar. Danger is in the unknown.
So, no matter how badly you want to be sober, your brain and body have been conditioned to keep you in the safety of substance abuse. That doesn’t mean you can’t do it or that it will take too long to get sober, it just means you have to make a few slight adjustments in how you approach sobriety.
We do that by shifting from biological conditioning to conscious conditioning. I do have to make it clear that just because you become aware of the science behind this, it doesn’t mean that with each relapse, you’re choosing to do it. It means that it takes time to break patterns, so be gentle with yourself.
Let’s begin with the science so you understand the root of your conditioning. Then, we’ll get into a quick and easy tip that you can start right now to get your brain and body on board with your desires.
SURVIVAL MODE:
We cannot logically think our way out of danger, we need to feel our way back into safety. So, when you tell yourself or listen to anyone who says your lack of sobriety is an unwillingness, it actually keeps you trapped in survival mode.
NERVOUS SYSTEM:
The only way to heal is to activate our parasympathetic nervous system (rest, restore, digest, and heal). We can’t do that when we’re living in survival mode (fight, flight, freeze, and fawn). Gentle, calming things bring us back to safety- deep breathing, somatic exercises, slow walks, enjoying your morning cup of coffee or tea, yoga, or anything else that brings you peace.
SUBCONSCIOUS MIND:
We have two minds, the subconscious mind and the conscious mind. The subconscious started being programmed from right around the time we were born until we were about 7 years old. It also operates 95% of the time, which is our habit mind, and gets programmed through sensory input (sight, sound, taste, smell, and touch). But, reprogramming our beliefs isn’t enough because we need to feel safe enough to take those chances on ourselves. This is a two way street with our nervous system. We need to feel safe AND recondition the program.
HEBB’S LAW:
Hebb’s Law says that neurons that fire together, wire together. So, each conscious new thought creates a new neural pathway. As each thought is repeated, those neural pathways are strengthened.
Now, we’re going to take all these concepts and tie them together into a simple morning routine. You also don’t have to do this in the morning- you can do this in the afternoon or even at night, with your herbal tea. All you have to do is find a time that works for you and come back to this until it becomes a lifestyle.
TRY THIS:
- Have your morning cup of coffee or tea (subconscious reprogramming)
- Breathe deeply (nervous system regulation)
- Say to yourself, “I’m so grateful for my sobriety.” (Neural rewiring)
By shifting your sobriety into this moment, you’re no longer telling your brain one day. And it’s ok if it isn’t today, because one day will become today.
Remember this- you fighting to survive yourself isn’t unwillingness. It’s a testament to your perseverance.
I’ll see you soon…in the meantime, love yourself so much that even a Hallmark Christmas movie would be jealous.
Disclaimer: This post addresses the psychological and neurological aspects of recovery. For safe physical withdrawal and medical detox, please consult a healthcare professional.
