When I got sober on 9/5/16, I didn’t have a support system. Not even AA.
I had absolutely no idea what I was doing, how to stay sober, or even who I was without the drinking. And the shame- not just because I got sober, I was so ashamed of who I was. But, I also knew that I needed to stop running away from myself and find my way back home to me.
The following is what I did to stay sober on my own. Hopefully, it’ll help you in your own recovery journey.
RELATED: HOW I SIMPLIFIED MY SOBRIETY JOURNEY & HOW YOU CAN TOO
REDISCOVERED WHO I AM
I began confronting the parts of myself I was running away from. No, it wasn’t easy. But my God, was it worth it. Every scar, every tear, every emotion I was petrified of- the things I didn’t know how to look at, they were the things that freed me. In that really chaotic unfolding, I opened my heart to myself in ways I had never done before.
I get it- it’s so hard to look at ourselves, because what if we don’t like what we see? That’s a very real fear. But the beauty of it is when we don’t like what we see, we can change it by changing the way we think about it.
This is your story. You get to write it, edit it, and rewrite it however you want. So choose a story that’s beautiful, empowering, and healing.
SPIRITUAL PRACTICES
So much of sobriety is learning to trust ourselves and the Divine- trust that we’ll grow with each mistake, that we’re making the right decisions, and that we’re being guided every step of the way.
But trust wasn’t something that came easily for me. So I didn’t know how to surrender to the Divine and their unfolding for my life.
I also never had strong role models encouraging me to be my own person. So I lacked an awareness that came with standing in your truth, witnessing yourself without judgment, and learning to evolve beyond your own perceived limitations.
Spirituality has helped me to see things beyond what I was capable of, while showing me the illusions I was trapped in. Developing a relationship with the Universe/God not only gave me the love I didn’t have, it showed me how to love myself despite the things about myself I thought were unlovable.
FOUND SAFETY WITHIN MYSELF
For about the first 6.5 years of sobriety, I really thought I felt safe in my body. It wasn’t until one night when I decided to do a somatic release that I realized safety was the last thing I was feeling within myself.
My exact words were, “I can’t do this. I don’t feel safe. I feel so disgusted to be in my body.”
So I began focusing on finding safety within myself and the healing accelerated so quickly. Because in that safety, I learned what it really meant to let my internal compass guide me. I learned what it meant to begin trusting myself.
TIP:
We cannot logically think our way back to safety. We need to feel our way back to it. So take some time out everyday, even if it’s just a few minutes to activate your parasympathetic nervous system (rest, digest, restore, heal). Deep breathing, yoga, dancing, somatic exercises, gentle movements- anything that makes you feel relaxed and calm. It will make a world of a difference in your healing journey.
CHANGED MY THINKING
The moment I got sober, I knew I needed to change my mindset surrounding it. And I didn’t understand the science of why at the time, but I knew myself enough to know I couldn’t go into sobriety saying I couldn’t drink.
So I changed it. Instead of, “I can’t drink,” I said, “I choose not to drink because it’s a part of my new health regimen.” That simple shift in words made me feel so empowered. It gave me a sense of confidence I rarely ever felt. But more than that, it gave me peace from the internal dialogue that always told me I couldn’t do it or I wasn’t good enough.
I CHOSE MYSELF
For years, I let others dictate to me who they wanted me to be. I used to fight back, but it got so exhausting, that it was easier to be who they wanted me to be. And, there was a part of me that happily filled this role because I was so ashamed of my own existence.
When I got sober, I decided to start becoming a version of myself that would always have my own back no matter what life threw at me. And, yes, it was difficult, especially when you have to factor in relationships you hold dear to your heart. But, at the end of the day, it’s us we have to value more than we care about the molds people are trying to fit us in.
Take the time to discover what sets your soul on fire, what makes your heart beat in that special way, what makes you feel alive, really alive. Because when you do, there will be nothing, and I mean nothing that can stand in the way of you and your purpose.
Those are the most gratifying moments- when you look in the mirror and you no longer see the shame, the heartbreak, and the suffering staring back at you. Instead, what you see is a reflection of someone who took the time to meet themselves and join them in their own journey.
I’ll see you soon…in the meantime, love yourself so much that even a Hallmark Christmas movie would be jealous.
