How I Stayed Sober Without A Support System (not even AA)

When I got sober on 9/5/16, I didn’t have a support system. Not even AA. I can’t say I handled it with grace because I didn’t. 

It was messy. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing, how to stay sober, or even who I was without the drinking. And the shame- not just being sober, shame of who I was. But I also knew with every fiber of my being that I wanted to be sober. 

The following are what I found to be the most important for my sobriety and healing through a lifetime of trauma. If you haven’t already, grab a cup of coffee or tea, get comfy, and hopefully, grab a few pointers for your own recovery journey. 

RELATED: HOW I SIMPLIFIED MY SOBRIETY JOURNEY & HOW YOU CAN TOO

REDISCOVERED WHO I AM

I began confronting the parts of myself I was running away from and abandoning. No, it wasn’t easy. And yes, there were plenty of snot dripping out of my nose tears moments. 

But my God, was it worth it. Every scar, every tear, every emotion I was petrified of- the things I didn’t know how to look at, they were the things that freed me. And saved me from myself. 

In that really chaotic unfolding, I opened my heart to myself and began seeing myself in ways I always wished I could. 

It’s like this- you know when you can’t stop thinking about that email you have to send but you keep putting it off anyway? So you work yourself up with all the negative self-talk and “what if” scenarios.  

Then you finally write the email and hit send. When you do, you feel this huge relief and think to yourself, “I can’t believe how much I worked myself up over that.”

That’s the exact same thing when it comes to our emotions. We get so scared of seeing ourselves because we may not like who we see. But, we can only hide from ourselves for so long before it implodes in our faces. 

Here’s the thing- if we don’t like certain traits about ourselves, we can always change them. It’s your story. You get to write it, edit it, rewrite it however you want. 

SPIRITUAL PRACTICES 

So much of sobriety is learning to trust ourselves and allow the journey to unfold as it should- trust that we’ll grow with each mistake, that we’re making the right decisions, and that we’re being guided every step of the way. 

But trust wasn’t something that came easily for me. So I didn’t know how to surrender to the Divine and still struggle with this at times. 

I also never had the luxury of strong role models encouraging me to be my own person. So I lacked an awareness that came with standing in your truth, witnessing yourself without judgment, and learning to evolve beyond your own perceived limitations. 

If it weren’t for spirituality, I don’t think I would have made the amount of progress that I did. I also can’t see it any other way because spirituality was something that piqued my interest since I was a little girl. It’s a path that I’ve always tried to walk. It’s a part of who I am and who I will always be. 

FOUND SAFETY WITHIN MYSELF

For about the first 6.5 years of sobriety, I really thought I felt safe in my body. It wasn’t until one night when I decided to do a somatic release that I realized safe was the last thing I was feeling within myself. 

My exact words were, “I can’t do this. I don’t feel safe. I feel so disgusted to be in my body.” 

So I began focusing on finding safety within myself and the healing accelerated so quickly. Because in that safety, I learned what it really meant to let my internal compass guide me. I learned what it meant to begin trusting myself. 

TIP: 

We cannot logically think our way back to safety. We need to feel our way back to it. 

So take some time out everyday, even if it’s just a few minutes to activate your parasympathetic nervous system (rest, digest, restore, heal). Deep breathing, yoga, dancing, somatic exercises, gentle movements- anything that makes you feel relaxed and calm. It will make a world of a difference in your healing journey. 

THINKING DIFFERENTLY

The moment I got sober, I knew I needed to change my mindset surrounding it. And I didn’t understand the science of why at the time, but I knew myself enough to know I couldn’t go into sobriety with a lack or “can’t do” mindset. So I changed it. 

Instead of, “I can’t drink,” I said, “I choose not to drink because it’s a part of my new health regimen.” That simple shift in words made me feel so empowered. I believed in myself, at least in terms of knowing I could stay sober. 

The self-belief outside of sobriety took years of working on. There were stories from people and myself that I needed to rewrite. Of course, I still struggle with insecurities. But it’s also something I have more grace with myself about. It’s also what keeps us humble. We just shouldn’t play or keep ourselves small because of our insecurities. 

FOUND SOMETHING TO LIVE FOR

For years, I was consumed with suicide ideation. I even attempted suicide once. The worst feeling was that I wasn’t ashamed for attempting suicide. I was ashamed I was still living. 

That shame haunted me for several years. Drinking only exacerbated it. So when I got sober, I used it as an opportunity to start becoming the woman I’ve always wanted to be but lacked the confidence to be.

Outgrowing the toxicity and limiting beliefs wasn’t easy and was met with so much resistance, but it’s one of those things that now I can’t see it any other way. Those times are the most intensely gratifying moments- when you look in the mirror and don’t recognize the person staring back at you. You no longer see their shame, their heartbreak, their suffering. And what you see instead is a reflection of someone who took the time to meet themselves and join them in their own journey. 

I’ll see you soon…in the meantime, love yourself so much that even a Hallmark Christmas movie would be jealous.