Years ago, I was sitting in an AA meeting when I was reading the 12 steps posted on the wall. At that moment, my intuition told me one day I was going to create my own program helping people with their sobriety.
I sat there in putrid disgust and even told myself I would be taking my dirty little secret to the grave. It was so appalling that I buried it and left that thought like it never happened.
About two months later, something happened in a meeting when I made a vow to myself I would never go back to AA. Five months after leaving, I relapsed. It started slowly because I thought I could limit my drinking to an acceptable amount. That never works, does it? It eventually escalated to drowning my sorrows in alcohol again.
Almost eight years ago, I got sober when a tarot reading of all things, motivated me to surrender to the Divine. It was then that my intuition told me I needed to do it solo. I had absolutely no idea why, but I knew I needed to listen.
A 21 day DIY sobriety program to awaken your inner guru so you can transform pain into power and purpose.
Three years later, I moved to Santa Fe, NM. I left my decent paying job in NYC, friends, family, didn’t even have a job lined up, and started working towards becoming a reiki master. I knew I was meant to start my own business with spirituality being at the core of it, but I had no idea what. So I met with a business coach.
At this point, only a handful of people knew about my sobriety because I was still so ashamed and humiliated. During the first meeting with the business coach, she opened up about her life and how much she had overcome. It was so honest and heartbreaking in the purest way.
Her vulnerability inspired me to open up about my own struggles- the childhood trauma, the abusive relationships, the mental illnesses, the drinking. As soon as I told my story, she said I had to be a sober coach. I tried to “reason” with her. It didn’t work.
It was then that I remembered that day in the AA meeting when I was reading the 12 steps. I made a passing comment about it and she told me that helping others in their sobriety journey was my calling.
A 21 day DIY sobriety program to awaken your inner guru so you can transform pain into power and purpose.
My god- I was so scared. To come out and share your life with strangers when you’ve been taught you should be ashamed of your own existence, well- it made it even more shameful. But I also knew it was my destiny, not that I embraced this. There was so much internal resistance so I tried to convince myself this was just a phase.
There were also so many unhealed wounds, many of which were still so raw. I needed to heal them. So, I began tearing open the wounds, dissecting and peeling away layers of myself. Apprehensively. Slowly. The shame and humiliation, which had consumed me whole, was also what freed me when I allowed it to be a part of me.
In that really stubborn and haphazard unfolding, I realized I was onto something. Somehow, by the grace of the Universe, my very own program was created through my own healing.
I had reconnected to my mind, body, and soul. And I didn’t even know it was happening as I was being reintroduced to myself. Everything was divinely orchestrated. Nothing made sense then. But it does now.
If you take anything from this, let it be to listen to your internal compass. Trust and have faith that you’re being guided every step of the way. And if you’re scared, the unseen forces won’t let you fall. You got this.
I’ll see you soon…in the meantime, love yourself so much that even a Hallmark Christmas movie would be jealous.
