It’s so easy to berate yourself for being sober because it seems like a punishment, not a journey worth honoring. Add the stigma surrounding substance abuse, you can’t help but feel like it’s a dirty little secret that you have to protect at all costs.
So you begin ruminating- beating yourself up for not being able to control your drinking but now reading this so you can find it within yourself to have compassion for you. You can’t help but vacillate between wanting to feel good about yourself to grieving your love affair with drinking.
It’s ok. We’ve all been there. Myself included. It was three years before I was able to tell people I was sober. Another three before I was able to release the guilt and shame surrounding the drinking. Now, I’m here to help you rewrite your story one breath at a time.
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So, let’s dig in. Grab a cup of coffee or tea, get comfy, and (hopefully) by the end, you’ll begin to honor your recovery journey.
I’m sure you’ve had at least one of these thoughts, if not all:
- “All I had to do was cut down my drinking to an acceptable amount.”
- “None of this would have happened if I healed through past trauma.”
- “If I didn’t keep getting into toxic relationships, I wouldn’t have had to numb the pain.”
- “Maybe if I had drank one less day a week, I wouldn’t be here.”
- “This would never happen to a normal person.”
- “Why am I such a f*ck up?”
- “How could I have allowed myself to get here? I know better than that.”
It’s natural to wonder where you went wrong. Because if you can get the answers to your questions, then you’d be able to figure out what’s inherently wrong with you.
There isn’t anything wrong with you. It’s the way you’ve been conditioned to think about yourself is what’s wrong.
Maybe this detour wasn’t actually a detour. Maybe it was all a part of the plan; to help you transcend pain into purpose, to rediscover who you are, to reconnect you with yourself, to be a beacon of hope for others. But you won’t know until you begin to shift your thinking.
Maybe it has nothing to do with finding out what went wrong in the past because it’s about solidifying the present moment for a better future. Those thoughts are also doing more harm than good. Because it makes sobriety feel like an exile, not a second chance at life.
When you begin to really pay attention to your thoughts, ask yourself if it’s a need to know basis. If yes, the answer will come. If not, focus on what you can do right now to improve your situation.
Sobriety is messy and chaotic. But so is life. Weren’t you able to find solutions to problems during your drinking days? So who’s to say now that you’re clear headed, you won’t be able to work your way into honoring your recovery?
Start with a shift in perspective, turn it into a habit, and when you’re ready, make a commitment to yourself. That version of you that you so desperately want to become, that you can feel with every fiber of your being- they’re waiting for you.
Honor the broken and fragmented pieces of yourself.
Every day you make the choice to stay sober is something to be honored.
Honor the fact that you knew you had a problem so you did the self-respectable thing by acknowledging it and are now healing through it.
You’re taking the steps to become a better, improved version of yourself- honor that.
Honor waking up each morning clear headed, not having to frantically look through your phone to see who you drunk called/texted the night before.
Most of all, honor yourself. You’re doing amazing even if you can’t feel it.
How do you honor yourself in sobriety? Leave a comment below- you never know who you’ll inspire. Also, please be sure to share this with anyone that may benefit from this read.
I’ll see you soon…in the meantime, love yourself so much that even a Hallmark Christmas movie would be jealous.
