I don’t normally promote or advocate quick fixes because when it comes to healing, we need to take our time to peel away the layers of debris. One- we don’t want to create more trauma. Two- it’s brutally painful to look at yourself, I mean, really look at yourself, that taking off the bandaid makes the invisible scars a little too visible.
But I tried something that helped me so much and I want to share it with you. When I shifted the way I approached healing, everything changed- the way I react to triggers, the way I speak to myself, even the way I look at myself. And it sped up the healing.
Just a quick background about me- I was abused by my biological father, mother, and stepfather. By the time I was old enough to date, I sought relationships that reflected my upbringing. I also struggled with mental illnesses and substance abuse, specifically drinking. When I got sober on 9/5/16, I did it with nothing and no one. Not even AA.
That was when I also decided to start unpacking the lifetime of trauma. So, what I’m sharing with you is from my own experience and how a small shift transformed me and the way I show up for myself.
Let’s get into the shift you can make right now. If you haven’t already, grab a cup of coffee or tea, get comfy, and find out how to approach recovery from a different angle.
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We heal so we can feel safe. It makes sense because that’s why we’re healing in the first place. But we’re going to switch it up.
Instead of:
Heal so I can feel safe.
Try this:
Feel safe so I can heal.
WHY IT WORKS:
Our brain is a survival organ so we can’t logically think our way back to safety. We need to feel our way back to safety.
No matter how much you intellectualize what you’ve been through, you can’t heal if you don’t feel safe enough to heal. What we need to do is regulate our nervous system. Instead of operating from our sympathetic nervous system (fight, flight, freeze, fawn), we want to activate our parasympathetic nervous system (rest, digest, restore, heal). You can find tips below on how to easily get out of survival mode.
A 21 day DIY sobriety program to awaken your inner guru so you can transform pain into power and purpose.
Notice those times when you think to yourself, “it’s not clicking for me.” Or “maybe it’s not my time yet.” That’s because your body doesn’t feel safe enough to receive information.
Now, take a look at all the times you’ve heard the same thing 999 times. It does nothing for you. But somehow, when you hear it 1,000 times, you finally “get it.”
It’s not because 1,000 is the magic number. It’s because you felt safe enough to receive the information.
Also, eastern medicine says we store trauma in our bodies and organs. Western medicine says we store trauma in our fascia.
So whichever way you look at it, our body holds trauma. We can release it by finding safety within ourselves.
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I’ve been in therapy and it didn’t do much for me because talking about my problems only made it worse. Now I understand that my body was holding onto things that even though I had mentally processed, my body never released.
Maybe you feel the same way- talking about your problems helps a little, but it doesn’t heal. And you feel tightness in certain spots that no amount of massaging ever releases. Pay attention to those particular body parts- it may be stored trauma.
You also raise your consciousness when you begin feeling safe.
When our brain and body are perceiving threats- we feel fear, instability, lack, and scarcity. When we feel safe- we feel peace, acceptance, calm, and relaxed.
Those higher vibrations are going to change the way you treat yourself- no more swearing at yourself because you spilled something, no more criticizing yourself because you made a mistake, no more judging yourself because you didn’t know something.
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You’ll start to approach your healing with curiosity and compassion instead of shame and disgust. Which is huge because that’s often why we don’t bother looking within in the first place, we’re too ashamed.
Find safety within yourself. I promise you it will change your life. Because you change. And it goes beyond a level of acceptance. You embrace the parts of yourself you once thought were bad and ugly.
WAYS YOU CAN FIND SAFETY:
- Deep breathing
- Yoga
- Meditation
- Gentle movements
- Somatic exercises
You don’t need to devote too much time, but you do need to be consistent with your practices. Like anything else, the more you do these exercises, the more it’ll feel like second nature. The way you show up for yourself will become something you’re proud of. And remember, you should be proud of yourself because you have no reason not to be.
I’ll see you soon…in the meantime, love yourself so much that even a Hallmark Christmas movie would be jealous.
