A Guide To Healing In Sobriety And/Or After Trauma When You Don’t Know Where To Begin

When I got sober eight years ago, I didn’t have anything or anyone. I didn’t go to AA or therapy, didn’t even speak to friends and family about it. I also had to unpack a lifetime of trauma. Confronting the parts of myself that I was running away from and speaking to the parts I didn’t dare tell another soul, well, it was an uncomfortability I don’t want to feel again. 

I didn’t have a manual so I winged it as I went along. In this really haphazard and not so graceful unfolding of my sobriety and healing, I created a framework by combining science and spirituality. 

This is the mini guide and a program is launching soon to help you in your healing and recovery journey. If you haven’t already, grab a cup of coffee or tea, get comfy, and 

BEFORE WE START

The thing about looking within- we fear it because we’re coming face to face with parts of ourselves we don’t like, that we’re ashamed of, and parts of ourselves we’ve been refusing to meet. 

It’s both uncomfortable and liberating. But the liberation doesn’t come until after the discomfort. In the meantime, we want to minimize the pain and suffering so we don’t create more trauma that we’re going to eventually have to heal from.

This isn’t easy. What I can promise you is that it’s all worth it- the tears, the heartbreak, the loneliness. Because in the end, you meet a part of yourself that you’ve always wished you could be. Just keep hanging on and let your fears become your teacher. 

FIND SAFETY WITHIN YOURSELF

Somewhere along the way, you were taught that it wasn’t safe to be in your own skin. So you found safety in coping mechanisms and probably other people, holding their opinions in a higher regard than your own. It made sense at the time. But you’ve outgrown that version of yourself so you need a new way. A safe way. 

Here’s the thing- we cannot heal if we don’t feel safe enough in our own bodies. Until then, we will continuously look outside for answers and guidance because we’re too scared to trust ourselves. So start regulating your nervous system. When you do, you’re releasing stored trauma and training your body to feel safe.

YOU CAN: 

• Do yoga
• Meditate
• Do deep breathing 
• Do somatic exercises
• Practice gentle movements 

UNDERSTAND YOUR EMOTIONS

This may seem obvious but if you’re used to numbing or suppressing your feelings, you may not know what you’re actually feeling. Take the time to understand your emotions.

It’s such a huge relief to be able to articulate your emotions clearly because you gain confidence. You know yourself. You begin to boldly ask for what you want and don’t settle for less. If you need some guidance on creating a foundation for understanding your emotions, you can read this post.

CHANGE YOUR MINDSET

We’ve repeated the same cycles enough times to know that no amount of shaming, guilting, or demeaning ourselves is going to bring us the changes we want. So we need to start by paying attention to our thoughts- how do you speak to yourself? Are you patient with yourself? Are you kind to yourself? Do you speak to yourself with respect? If not, begin changing it. 

You deserve your own kindness, respect, love, attention, compassion, and empathy just as much as anyone else. I know it’s a really hard cycle to break, especially when you’re so accustomed to beating yourself into submission. It just requires consistently repeating nice, positive, empowering words to yourself. 

You can also download a free 15 minute subliminal from the Mind Body Soul Course (launching soon) to reprogram your subconscious mind. Just sign up below to get your copy. For what subliminals are and how they change your mindset, read this. 

LISTEN TO YOURSELF

A part of healing is learning to listen to what you’re being guided to do instead of running away from yourself. Your intuition is your internal compass. Trust that inner voice. It’s never deceived you and it never will. 

If people’s opinions and advice are a factor, you need to ask yourself, is it really worth sacrificing yourself and your happiness because someone else can’t see what you see? Sometimes other people are blinded to our visions and dreams for a reason- because it’s meant for us, not them. Just because someone can’t see what’s in your heart and soul doesn’t make it any less real. 

CHECK IN WITH YOURSELF

It’s so easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of life- from friend and family drama to doom scrolling on social media to listening to the news. There is ALWAYS something happening. The overwhelming majority of it isn’t good. 

Take a time out. Even if you only have a minute to spare. Come back to yourself. Take a deep breath. Roll your shoulders. Massage your neck. Ease the tension in your body. Make it a regular practice of checking in with yourself. 

CHERISH THE JOURNEY

We only get one life. We can’t always do it right, but my God, we can enjoy the ride- the bumps, the falls, the heartbreaks. They all teach us something. Sometimes these are lessons we don’t want to learn but in the end, it makes us better people. 

Life isn’t complete without duality. We need it, both good and bad. It’s how we create meaning in our lives. So cherish it all. It makes healing less painful. It helps you to make sense of things, no matter how chaotic it is. This is your life and it’s beautiful in all of its messiness. Embrace everything because one day you may wish for this moment in time again. 

IT’S OK TO F*CK UP

You’re going to make mistakes. That isn’t just ok, it’s a requirement of being human. It means that you’re willing to take chances on yourself, to grow and evolve. It means that you’re humble enough to admit your shortcomings. It’s character development. 

When you look back on everything, are you more proud of the mistakes you’ve learned from or from the chances you didn’t take? I’m pretty sure you picked the first option. So be ok with being imperfect. 

You don’t need to have all the answers right now. It would make life so boring if you had it all figured out and knew exactly what was going to happen. And if you’re absolutely fearful about what’s going to happen, it’s going to work out. You know how I know that? Because you’ve gotten this far. And you will continue to figure it out through the mistakes. So allow yourself to screw up. Allow yourself to be human. 

The tools and resources you need are within you. You just have to access the parts of yourself that feel too uncomfortable to tread. But I promise you, the parts of yourself you’re too scared to look at, they’re the parts that free you. Hang in there. You got this.

I’ll see you soon…in the meantime, love yourself so much that even a Hallmark Christmas movie would be jealous.