The first time I got sober, I went to AA. It was 16 years ago. I was sitting in a meeting one day when a guy stood up and spoke.
He said he was 10 years sober and a day or two earlier, he was driving when someone cut him off. He thought to himself at that moment he really wanted a drink. I looked around the room and saw so many people nodding in agreement with him.
I was 26 years old at the time and knew absolutely nothing about sobriety, let alone what life meant. What I did know was I never wanted to feel that.
I didn’t want to be 10 years sober and triggered into a relapse. Of course, there could have been context behind the guy’s story. Maybe it triggered an unhealed wound, but I’ll never know.
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What I did know was I didn’t want to be in a place where the past weighed so heavily on me that I allowed it to determine my fate. I wanted sobriety to feel like a visceral desire, not an obligation. Being so healed that I didn’t need a drink to drown in the sorrows and suffering.
I wanted a freedom that comes with not needing to prove myself. Knowing myself so intimately and deeply that no one could ever decide for me who they wanted me to be. To have the courage to follow the rhythms of my heart’s desires no matter how crazy anyone thought I was.
That’s what sobriety means to me. For me, it isn’t just about not drinking. It’s about peeling away the layers of ourselves that led to running away from ourselves.
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You may have the same definition. Or you may not. We all have different definitions of what sobriety, spirituality, and being healed means to us.
Take a few moments to explore what sobriety or even spirituality and healing means to you. When you do, you’ll begin to align yourself with what you want and the lifestyle you want to live. You’ll also begin to release and purge everything that isn’t contributing to your growth.
If you can’t figure it out right now, that’s ok.
Just in case, there are some questions below to help you. You can also meditate on it or take your time to reflect on what you want out of life, what you want from yourself, and what you want in your relationships.
Does sobriety mean:
• not being triggered by past trauma?
• building such a strong internal foundation that no matter what happens, you stand firmly rooted?
• finding freedom from your inner demons?
• being proud of surviving yourself?
• being a better person?
• elevating all facets of your life?
• becoming the person you’ve always known deep down you would be?
• living the life you daydream about?
• finding a sense of happiness that can only come with knowing yourself?
• being comfortable in your own skin?
• having a deep sense of self-awareness that isn’t rooted in guilt and shame, but also knowing your strengths?
I’ll see you soon…in the meantime, love yourself so much that even a Hallmark Christmas movie would be jealous.
