When you begin to confront the things you’ve been running away from, your emotions aren’t that clear. You don’t know what you’re feeling, how you should be feeling, or even if it’s healthy to feel the way you do.
All emotions are healthy. It’s how we express them that makes them unhealthy. So, yes…your emotions are healthy and completely valid.
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Certain emotions seem so obvious- like when someone says something rude, you get angry. If you’re betrayed, you feel pain and disappointment. When someone mocks and ridicules you, you feel humiliated.
There’s also underlying emotions. I found that when I started going deeper into the why and how of my emotions and past circumstances, I was able to pluck out the shame and self-disgust. Because for me, those were the core emotions I felt.
Your core wounds may also be shame and self-disgust. Or they may be different. Whatever they are, you’ll be able to figure out your core wounds when you begin exploring the things you’re still holding onto and keeping you stuck.
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You want to go deeper into your emotions because you’re healing from the root, not surface level. Here’s an example- Let’s say you’re angry at someone for the way they spoke to you. And you have every right to be.
But when you go deeper into it, maybe whatever they said was in front of other people so you also feel humiliated. Maybe you were stunned into silence so couldn’t speak up and feel stupid. Maybe it’s not the first time this has happened and you’ve never stood up for yourself, so now you’re pissed at yourself too.
See how that one incident has a trickle effect of other emotions? Those other emotions lead to that core emotion. When you begin confronting these things, your healing changes.
You want to explore:
- the scenarios (what happened and who was involved)
- What you’re feeling beneath the surface
- Why it really bothers you (yes, it’s an unhealed wound, but what’s the root wound)
It’s such a huge relief to be able to articulate your emotions clearly because you gain confidence. You know yourself. You begin to boldly ask for what you want and don’t settle for less.
No, it’s not easy. Because we have to confront the things that are uncomfortable. But you’ll find comfort when you face the discomfort head on.
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You heal. And it’s not something you have to tell or convince yourself because you’ll feel the changes within yourself.
I put a list of questions below to help you start the process. This is based on someone pissing you off because it’s happened to all of us. You can always rearrange the questions to fit your circumstances and create new ones based on what you would like to explore.
- Why did it piss you off?
- Was it said in front of other people so you felt humiliated?
- Do you feel ashamed for being taken advantage of?
- Do you feel disgusted with yourself?
- Did you not have a quick retort so you feel stupid?
- Do you feel responsible because you feel like you allowed this to happen even though you didn’t?
- Does some part of you agree with what they said?
- Do you wish you spoke up when you were stunned into silence?
- Do you wish you handled yourself with more grace if you lashed out at them?
- If there were people around, are you upset that no one stood up for you?
- Do you feel like that silence was an act of betrayal?
Write this out. It feels so cathartic and you’ll feel a release. If you want to take it an extra step, write everything down with pen and paper. When you’re done, burn it to symbolize you letting it all go.
Please remember, there are no right or wrong answers. These are your emotions. They’re there for a reason. This is about healing in a way that honors you and your journey. So be gentle with yourself and take all the time you need.
I’ll see you soon…in the meantime, love yourself so much that even a Hallmark Christmas movie would be jealous.
