“Just let it go.” I don’t know about you, but this sentiment has never made me feel better about whatever was stuck on my mind, only worse. Maybe there was something wrong with me for not being able to release the past, or I wasn’t laid back enough, or I should have given the benefit of the doubt more often.
I always ended up blaming myself for holding onto things, even if the incident only happened a few hours prior. No, we can’t harbor ill will, but we also need to allow ourselves the time and space to process things that have hurt us.
That includes feeling all of the emotions that come with some form of disappointment, which we don’t really do (at least, not until we become aware of it). It’s not through any fault of our own, it’s how we’ve been indoctrinated. We’ve been taught to repress, suppress, keep quiet, compartmentalize, and one of my biggest pet peeves- let it go.
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Have you noticed how doing that has only attracted more of the same patterns, none of which you wanted? Every unhealed wound keeps appearing in a different person or scenario until we confront the pain. Which sometimes takes several years before we recognize the patterns.
Maybe you’ve tried to just let things go. I have, and it’s never worked. The more I tried, the more I would be haunted by those demons.
Whether you follow eastern or western medicine, both say we store emotions and trauma in our bodies. It doesn’t matter if it happened yesterday, a year ago, or 20 years ago- your brain and body remembers it. And it keeps score.
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If you replay any memory (good or bad), your brain is processing it as if it were happening in real time. So, it doesn’t matter how long it’s been because time doesn’t determine our healing. Our bodies releasing it does.
It isn’t about letting it go. It’s about your body feeling safe enough to purge the things keeping you stuck in survival mode.
WHAT YOU CAN DO:
You can try somatic exercises, yoga (somatic yoga is amazing), meditation, slow and gentle movements, anything that makes you feel calm and at peace.
Speak kindly to yourself. Don’t chastise yourself for not being healed enough or anything else that may trigger some form of self-deprecation.
Comfort and nurture yourself. If you need to take a day to lay in bed binge watching Hallmark movies, go for it. If you need to do yoga and go for a long walk, go for it. Honor what you need, not what you think you should be doing.
Don’t dismiss your feelings or invalidate your experiences. While you’re at it, don’t allow anyone to attempt to rewrite your history. You know what you’ve been through and that’s what matters. When the time comes, you’ll have your justice. And it will be sweet and poetic.
When memories and emotions surface, feel your way through them. Try not to shove them back down. They’ll just keep surfacing until you acknowledge them.
On a side note- how long it takes to release the past is different for everyone. Some people have had more trauma than others. Just keep allowing yourself to heal. And enjoy this journey of what we call life. We only live once.
I’ll see you soon…in the meantime, love yourself so much that even a Hallmark Christmas movie would be jealous.
