Sobriety can feel so confusing and complicated, especially when you don’t know what to do or which way to go. We know we have to change the relationship with ourselves but it’s difficult because we’re also strangers to ourselves.
So, we second guess and overthink every little thing for fear of making a mistake. Which inevitably leads us to overcomplicating recovery.
In the eight plus years that I’ve been sober, there are definitely things I would have done differently. There’s also a part of me that understands everything happened exactly the way it was meant to- the setbacks, the growth spurts, the tears. Every moment led to right here and now.
I used to beat myself up for not being healed enough, for feeling weak, even for having emotions. What I needed to learn was compassion, self-respect, and patience. So through trial and error, I’m going to share with you some ways I’ve learned to make recovery easier.
RELEASE EXPECTATIONS
Take the pressure off of yourself. We can’t circle a date on a calendar and tell ourselves that we have to heal by that date because there is no deadline on healing. As long as we’re committed to ourselves and our journey, we’ll always be healing and that’s a beautiful thing. It means our hearts are still beating.
Give yourself grace and be patient with yourself. You’ve outgrown a version of yourself and are becoming someone you’ve never met while rediscovering lost parts of yourself. That’s not easy. It’s also scary. So treat yourself with kindness.
GROUND
Notice when you have this burst of confidence or motivation, it fizzles out really quickly? That’s because we’re not used to those energies, which throws us off. So, instead of stepping into your power, you can try grounding into your power. It’s going to help you root into the energies you want to feel instead of thrusting yourself into it.
The more you anchor into what you want (i.e. confidence, peace, happiness, etc.), you become it instead of you trying to be it. It definitely takes patience getting used to this because we wanted things to happen yesterday, not today. But, with a strong emphasis on the but, we’ve rushed so much throughout our lives to get to the next destination, that it’s time to slow down and savor each moment of your journey.
WAYS TO GROUND:
- Meditation
- Gentle and slow, intentional moments (enjoying a cup of coffee/tea, reading, going for walks, etc.)
- Deep breathing
- Yoga
- Calming music
DON’T BE SCARED OF MISTAKES
We worry so much about being perfect and not making any mistakes, that we wind up keeping ourselves stuck. Sobriety is messy. So is life.
Make the mistakes. It means you’re living. It makes life so much easier and takes so much unnecessary stress away. Besides, doing your best is better than being perfect.
FIND YOUR ANCHOR
Find what centers you. Maybe it’s a word, or deep breathing or a mantra to help you come back to the present moment. Whatever you choose, make sure it’s something quick and easily accessible. This way, whether you’re stuck in traffic, at the office, or at a family function, you can come back home to yourself within a couple of minutes.
GIVE IT TO THE DIVINE
Whatever isn’t in your control, whatever you’re worried about, whatever is weighing you down- ask your spiritual team to take it on for you. When you let go, you feel a sense of freedom that you didn’t know you were capable of feeling. Most of our worries are either rooted in overthinking the past or creating a future scenario that probably won’t happen. It’s going to help you build an indestructible bond with them and when you do, you’re going to be the testament that miracles happen.
FORGIVE YOURSELF
We’ve all made mistakes, we’ve all had a lapse in judgement- we’ve all done things we wish we didn’t do and if we could turn back time, we would have done things differently. We don’t have the privilege to time travel but we do have the luxury of forgiving ourselves. So, instead of wishing you could have done it differently, choose different right now by forgiving yourself. Extend that grace and compassion to yourself and don’t harbor any ill will towards yourself.
SET SMALL MILESTONES
The small milestones are what makes it so much easier for us. It’s digestible while gently pushing us out of our comfort zone. Maybe you’re having a hard time accepting that you can’t drink again and struggling with the idea that forever is, well, too eternal. That’s ok.
It was the same for me when I got sober. Even though I knew it had to be forever, it didn’t mean I could accept it right away. The day I quit, I said I would take a one month sabbatical and as that marker approached, I extended it to two months, then three, and so on. So, if you need to take baby steps to help you and make it easier on yourself, do it. You’ll respect yourself more for being patient with yourself.
I’ll see you soon…in the meantime, love yourself so much that even a Hallmark Christmas movie would be jealous.
