We’re fragile when we come out traumatizing relationships and/or experiences. Our wounds are so raw that the thought of living for yourself can be so uncomfortable. Especially when you’re sober.
Systemic trauma makes it worse. The long term abuse makes us sadomasochists. We’re the eager accomplice in our own debauchery to others while defiling ourselves.
The combination of shame and feeling unsafe in your own body can be too triggering to even attempt looking within. Because what if you don’t like who you are? You’ve already been taught to believe that about yourself.
I promise you there is nothing to be ashamed of. And the parts of ourselves that we’re running away from, are what heals us.
I’m going to break it down into simple steps so you can ease your way into healing while not creating more trauma.
Grab a cup of coffee or tea, get comfy, and get inspired to build an inner empire.
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LEARN WHO WE ARE
We’ve given so much of ourselves, to the point of sacrificing our own values for the sake of not having arguments. We’ve shrunk our emotional needs down to the size of a pea.
My God- we even become scared of ourselves because we’re conditioned to think we’re the depraved f*cks who rose from the pits of hell.
TRY THIS:
Begin with simple questions- how do I like my eggs cooked? What’s my favorite season? What’s my favorite type of food?
It seems so basic but it’s surprising how little we know about ourselves. As time passes, go beyond your likes and start finding your truth.
ENJOY LIFE
When was the last time you truly enjoyed life? The first sip of your morning coffee? Watching the way the sun sets and rises? Enjoying the little moments without worrying if someone is going to sabotage it is pretty epic. It shouldn’t be but it is. So take those small moments and make them precious.
LOVE YOURSELF
This is HUGE. We’ve become so accustomed to someone else dictate to us how we should be loved, what love means to us, and why we aren’t worthy of it.
Well, you are dammit. No more breadcrumbs. No more scraps. No more leftovers. And that starts with us, including establishing boundaries with ourselves on refusing to accept anything less than compassion. Be gentle and kind with yourself.
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FEELING SAFE
Sometimes we need to close our hearts to the world so we can open our hearts to ourselves.
When was the last time you heard a dog bark or a car honk without feeling like you just had a heart attack? The slightest noise sends us into panic mode, ready to go to war. We need to feel safe in our own bodies before we can have healthy relationships with others.
TRY THIS HOLISTIC HACK:
- Inhale slowly and deeply.
- Exhale slowly, releasing everything.
- Repeat until you feel calm.
Deep breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system (rest, digest, restore, heal). The more you do deep breathing exercises, the more you’re training your body to feel safe.
SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECIES
Hebb’s Law- neurons that fire together, wire together. Our thoughts create neural networks. Repetitive thoughts create stronger neural networks.
We’re affirming our reality by the quality of our thoughts.
Let your self-fulfilling prophecies be:
- I am healed.
- I love myself.
- I am whole and complete as I am.
How have you learned to live for yourself after trauma? Leave a comment below.
I’ll see you soon…in the meantime, love yourself so much that even a Hallmark Christmas movie would be jealous.
