Finding Compassion For Yourself When You’re In Recovery

There were times I knew better, but still chose to do the wrong thing. And, I couldn’t understand why I would what seemed like willingly throw myself into the fire to get burned alive. So, for a really long time, I would demoralize myself over the things I wasn’t proud of.

No matter what, I would find a way to beat myself up over it, like somehow being sadistic with myself would absolve me of my wrongdoings. It should come as no surprise the more I did this, the worse I felt. It’s also no surprise that I didn’t hate my way into forgiveness.

There is science behind why we keep repeating the same toxic cycles and/or do the wrong thing when we clearly know it’s wrong. When we understand that, we can begin finding compassion for ourselves.

I wasn’t able to fully grasp why for years. Then, one day, it clicked. And when it did, my self-perception changed.

HERE’S THE SCIENCE:

Our brain and nervous system get rewired through whatever patterns are repeated. Whether that’s systemic trauma or daily yoga, we become conditioned to gravitate towards the familiar.

So, it doesn’t matter if you intellectualize something as wrong. Your brain and body views it as safe. Safety is in the familiar and danger is in the unknown.

It sounds so ridiculous because you can be in the most toxic environment, consumed with self-sabotaging and self-harming behaviors, but you will keep getting pulled back to it because it’s what’s familiar.

The peace and quiet that you daydream about? It’s a threat to your brain and nervous system because it’s foreign.

That’s why those of us who struggle with substance abuse, smoking, being in abusive relationships, or any other toxic and addictive behaviors and patterns have a hard time quitting or walking away. It’s our safety net.

I’ve read that it takes a victim of domestic violence an average of seven times to be able to finally leave for good. It’s because the threat wasn’t at home. The threat was outside of the house, according to our brain and nervous system.

If you’ve done the wrong thing knowing it was wrong, it’s because your brain and nervous system perceived it as the safe choice. And that’s not to say we should keep acting in lower vibrational energies or sabotage every good thing, but it also helps us to understand ourselves better.

Repetition is what our brain and nervous system needs to feel safe. It’s about creating a new comfort zone to get out of our current comfort zone.

So, if you’re struggling with breaking habits or repeating negative cycles, it’s not because you lack morals, willpower, or discipline. You just have to create a new safe place for your brain and body. You can do that by gently creating new routines. It will rewire the programming that’s keeping you stuck.

You will get there with time. It’s one of those things that somewhere along the way, you realize you found compassion for yourself.

It was built in all of those little moments when you refused to allow shame to be your guiding force. It was forged in the times you spoke to yourself like you’re a person with feelings and emotions. And it became who you are when you refused to give up on yourself.

I’ll see you soon…in the meantime, love yourself so much that even a Hallmark Christmas movie would be jealous.