Spirituality and Sobriety

Spirituality and Sobriety

Quitting drinking is such a scary and difficult feat.

The normal and mundane tasks become a hardship when you know you have to say sayonara to the booze. It’s a scary path to learn how to navigate because of the stigma placed upon addictions in society. You’re not sure how or even what to respond when you get invited out for drinks. You don’t know how you’re going to occupy your evenings and weekends. You don’t even know how to live life without alcohol.

And that’s ok. Probably not what you wanted to hear. But, guess what? There were so many things in your life you had to learn for the first time at some point. Living a sober life isn’t any different.

The fact of the matter is life gets difficult, whether you’re sober of not.

Your sobriety journey isn’t complex or complicated. It’s only as difficult as you make it to be.

I know because I was in your shoes at one point. So fearful of what my future had in store for me as a sober person. It sucked. When I look back at my early days of recovery, I see I had absolutely nothing to worry about. But I attribute my success to spirituality.

Which is what this post is all about today- how to incorporate spirituality into your sobriety journey.

Before I get into some tools to aid you, I’m going to give you a little background about my own journey.

The journey of hell

When I quit drinking over three years ago, I didn’t have anyone to rely on for emotional support.  My entire family had turned their backs on me.  I was much too ashamed to tell my friends what I was going through.  Having tried AA and outpatient rehab in the past, I knew they weren’t the right modalities for me.  So I relied solely on divine faith.  

There were days that I didn’t even have faith in myself. So I would ask the Universe to supply me with faith and hold my hand in the recovery journey.  

The power that culminated within just by asking for help from a force greater than myself is indescribable.  No words can ever do it justice.  That force- whether it be spirit guides, angels, masters, etc, showed me a strength from within.

A power filled with infinite potential.  

After admitting my defeat to alcohol, my soul was reborn.  It was instantaneous. There were no expectations for any outcomes. I surrendered all of me. Sure, anyone can do these things when they choose to stand behind their convictions, but it was different having survived myself.  I was able to conquer anything.  

Allow the inner voice to be your compass

It was the first time in my entire adult life I was processing emotions as a sober person. I didn’t like having to sequester myself from civilization but the journey needed to be solo.

Because I was always easily influenced by the external world, I continuously defied and ignored my intuition.  Getting sober as a lone wolf forced me to listen to the inner guidance.  If I didn’t listen, I would have drowned in the tsunami of my inner dialogue.

But it ran much deeper than honing in on my intuitive abilities.  It  was about trusting me enough and encouraging myself- to explore my shadow side, do the inner child work, learn tarot, learn astrology, and incorporating divination tools into my daily routine.

It will always be a recovery journey.  Not just from alcohol. Past trauma, past burdens, past ways of doing and being all encompass the healing work.

Spiritual Sobriety

Take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. Enter with an open mind and you may surprise yourself.

MEDITATE

This is so simple but can also be challenging in terms of shutting out the chatter of your mind.  With consistent practice, you’ll get the hang of it.  All you need to do is start with 5 minutes a day in silence with your eyes closed.  When thoughts travel into your mind, allow them to come in and then release them.  Allowing the thoughts to come in will increase the control over yourself.  

But it’s also important to let them leave and to not wallow in those thoughts.  It’s about tapping deeper within yourself to build your intuition to bring peace.  My meditation sessions have gotten so amazing that I feel they are by far the best highs I’ve ever had.  Travelling to a parallel reality while completely sane and sober is bar none the greatest experience you will ever have.  

Use meditation as your main tool in your spirituality and sobriety journey. You will not be disappointed by how much you evolve just by not allowing your thoughts to control you.  

SPIRITUAL BOOKS

There are so many esoteric books out there that it’ll be easy to start searching for what resonates with you.  If you’re looking to heal ancestral karma, cut energy cords with others, learn about how the moon can impact us, it’s all sold in bookstores.  Anything you want related to the metaphysical can be found.  Start with one and you may find that you’ll just keep on going.  Getting sober is about getting connected to spirituality on some capacity and books are the perfect gateway for it.

YOGA

Yoga is not just about buying the new fad in yoga fashion, that’s consumerism.  It’s about the union of mind, body, and soul.  Taking even 20 minutes a day out of your time to connect with your body will be such a sense of calm and zen that you’ll start to incorporate into your routine on a daily basis.  If you’re not sure which class to take or are intimidated by it, try out YouTube.  There are so many videos on there that you’ll definitely find one that fancies your taste.  Yoga is a great remedy for boredom instead of reaching for the booze.  Don’t just do the asanas- study yoga.  It’s all an encompassing tool for spirituality and sobriety.

DIVINATION TOOLS

When I first got sober, I relied so heavily on learning how to use divination tools.  Because I was learning something foreign and it’s become such a passion of mine, that I help my friends and family with divination tools for guidance.  And that’s what divination tools are; they’re meant to be for guidance, not for predictions.  Tarot cards, oracle cards, pendulums, crystals, and runes are really great places to start with.  And it keeps you so occupied, you won’t succumb to drinking out of not knowing how to pass your time.  It’s also a given that divination tools go hand in hand with spirituality.  It’s time to incorporate them into your sobriety journey.

SPEAK TO THE UNIVERSE

I use the word Universe as an umbrella term, but its whatever resonates for you.  This may sound silly to speak to them, but it works wonders, especially when you feel that you don’t have a support system.  You learn to ask and with that, you’ll learn how to receive.  You learn how to find the guidance from a spiritual perspective.  You learn to connect with a power that’s greater than yourself.  

When it becomes a daily routine, you’ll see the drastic changes in your own life.  Allowing yourself a reprieve from your own mind and worries by speaking to the Universe is such a great way to have in your spirituality and sobriety journey.

While the journey isn’t always peachy keen, the faith and belief in a power greater than yourself beckons you in the direction of salvation.  It’s up to you to be a slave to the past or a warrior of the present by reclaiming yourself.

This path teaches you the wisdom of needing to suffer in order to realize how unnecessary suffering really is. The paradigms that once defined you are now dogmas of the past.  

When you start to tap into the realm of the esoteric, you can and will become much more empowered to tackle your addictions with a brand new mindset. 

Once your mindset changes, your life takes on a whole new form and the alcohol addiction merely becomes a thing of the past rather than something that defines you.  

Try these simple techniques of introducing spirituality to your sobriety journey and witness how much you and your life transforms.  

Be sure to share this anyone that may benefit from it and let me know in the comments below what you’re going to try out!

Stay zenspired and see ya soon!

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A bit about my life which ultimately led to my sobriety

A bit about my life which ultimately led to my sobriety

If you’re struggling and need a few words to act as an impetus to aid you towards your journey of surviving yourself, this may help.  After all, its through others pain that inspire us to push forward.  

 

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been raped.  Not because blackouts were the norm for my entire adult life, but because I lost count.  What I can tell you is that I dated two of my rapists.  

 

Why?  

 

Because I hated myself.  I hated my life.  I hated living.  And through some sick and twisted perversion, I thought that I could attain love from others- even if it meant dating those who sexually assaulted me.  

 

What I can also tell you is that I’ve been arrested three times.  Once was by my mom because she thought that I needed to learn a lesson that only jail time could teach me.  

 

I’ve attempted suicide on a few occasions, been hospitalized for alcohol poisoning, put on suicide watch (the irony of this is those weren’t the times I attempted suicide), court mandated to rehabs, had family and ex-lovers intervene in my calamitous behaviors- all to no avail.

 

I’ve lost jobs, humiliated the f*ck out of myself, and lost relationships with those that I cared so deeply for.  But nothing mattered enough for me to quit drinking. What I loved more than anything was to get drunk- so that I could feel nothing and yet feel everything.  

 

Through all of the ordeals, I attempted to quit drinking and tried to limit it to an “acceptable” amount only for it to get worse as time passed.  The more I tried to find a reason for getting sober, the more I fell into the abyss of my own darkness.  The more I kept saying that I finally hit rock bottom, the deeper the grave I was digging for myself.  

 

I didn’t see a point in living.  I didn’t care about living. The pain of living was insufferable.  Finding joy had became obsolete.  It was a lost cause.  

 

I wasn’t worthy of happiness.  I wasn’t worthy of love.  I wasn’t worthy of living a life that I wanted.  At least that was what I had kept telling myself my entire adult life because that’s the way I was treated as a child.

 

My biological father was an abusive alcoholic who’s version of fun used to be throwing me against walls while he was in an alcohol induced fit of rage.  When him and my mom got divorced, things didn’t magically get better.  They got worse.  My childhood existence was me never being good enough, my English never being good enough (I spoke 5 languages as a child and English isn’t my mother tongue), I needed to try harder and push harder.  I needed to be perfect.  I had absolutely no concept that perfection was unattainable so kept striving for it only to be consistently led to disappointment.

 

Psychologically, the damage had been done.  I was broken and damaged.  But, no one knew.  No one could ever know.  I needed to build a fortress around myself so that I could be in self-preservation mode.

 

So, alcohol came into my life.  I felt confident, sexy, alluring, and witty.  Well- until I didn’t.  It also gave me the moxie I needed to speak up for myself, stand up for myself, and defend my own integrity.  Alcohol provided me with the solace and sanctuary I needed from my past and from my own mind.  It gave me the comfort of pain.  

 

That’s where I went wrong- the detour that I took.  I didn’t take the time to sort out my limiting beliefs and negative self-talk.  Or even work out the kinks of my own mind.  I relied on a substance to be my guiding force through life.

 

I tried therapy for many years to overcome my psychological struggles with no success.  It was always the same questions and statements.  “You must be in so much pain.”  “How did that make you feel?”  “Why don’t you try taking this medication?”  After singing the same old song and dancing the same old dance, I got exasperated and gave up on therapy succumbing to the notion that I was perpetually fucked by life.  

 

Things changed about three and a half years ago when the man who I thought was the love of my life shattered my heart in a thousand pieces.  That breakup changed me on a cellular structure.  It was so brutally painful that a part of me died with the breakup.  Low and behold, it was the part of me that needed to die.

 

The heartbreak forced me to see just how pervasive toxicity was in my life; how toxic I was.  But, it also took me to my destiny.  I now work as a recovery coach and energy healer to help those who are struggling with addictions by traveling the spiritual path.  

 

Soon after the breakup, I realized that my path to salvation wasn’t through others, but that I needed to be my own guiding light.  It was an epiphany- I needed to cultivate a loving relationship with myself because the longest relationship that I was going to have with anyone in my entire life was myself.  So, it was about damn time that I started to learn how to enjoy my own company. 

 

Before I could attempt to quit drinking successfully, I needed to find my own heart centered motivation and be my own reason for quitting.  Everything else naturally fell into place when the time was right.  And it can for you too.  

 

It took another few weeks before I actually mustered up the courage and strength to quit.  At which point, I relied solely on divine faith and used the Law of Attraction.  But, I did it.  It wasn’t easy but it was only as difficult as I made it.

 

If you’re struggling to get sober, you can find it within yourself.  If you’ve been dealt a shitty hand, take charge and be the dealer.  Give yourself a new hand.  

 

Dig deep into your heart to find your love- the love that you’re so worthy and deserving of to get out of your own living hell.  Be your own true love.  

 

Be your own magician.  Create heaven on earth for yourself and those around you.

 

Life is magical but you have to believe in magic.  Allow the magic to unfold.   

Need some motivation to get sober?  Create a sober board

Need some motivation to get sober?  Create a sober board

Struggling time after time to get sober is a battle within itself.  Feeling your feelings without the help of alcohol only makes it worse.  Sometimes making it not worth it to sober up for good.

But, coming from someone who did finally quit over three years ago, I can tell you it is.  And then some.  You get to be an active participant in your life rather than watching life just whiz right by you.  

You become an upgraded version of you- one who actually enjoys waking up in the morning and looking forward to conquering your days.  Not to mention, remembering what you did the night before with a clear head acts as a huge motivational factor.  

Not only do you feel your emotions on an amplified level, but they’re ten times better.  Things that you never knew could happen for you actually start to become your life.  Your life becomes a living reality rather then a nightmare.  

But, that’s not why we’re here today.  Today is dedicated to you getting to the first step of sobriety.  The beginning of your brand new life; a brand new you.  

Maybe you’ve tried ten times to say sayonara to the booze or maybe you’ve attempted 100 times.  Whatever the count is makes no difference.  What counts is your willingness and determination to quit drinking.  And sometimes that may not even be enough.  

When you can’t seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel, you’re blinded by the abyss of your own darkness.  It doesn’t have to be that way anymore.  

If you find yourself attempting to constantly quit drinking, and start to question if you’re an aberration because you keep relapsing, then this is definitely for you. 

Today, you can start to implement one minor action step to drastically alter the course of your life. 

You can start to visualize what you want your life to look like by creating a sobriety board.  I’m sure you’ve heard of a vision board so this is the same concept with the exception that this is solely dedicated to your sobriety.

It’s so simple to create one and it’s free, which is always better.  The added bonus is that it occupies a couple of hours of your time which isn’t too much but it’s also just enough time to keep you away from the booze. 

Before your brush this off and resist that this may not be for you, keep reading.  Our conscious mind is operating at 5% of the time whereas our subconscious mind is working overtime at 95% of the time.  Our conscious mind is the creative mind and our subconscious mind is the habit mind. What we’re going to do is bridge the gap between both minds by using our creativity to establish new habits.  

Telling yourself that you’re going to quit tomorrow only for tomorrow to arrive and it’s the same old song and dance is because you’re operating from your conscious mind. Because your subconscious mind doesn’t believe this, you perpetuate the same self-tortuous cycle.  There’s no reason why it has to be that way anymore.  

I’m not proclaiming that the sobriety board has a cure for any addiction, but it will get you towards the route to recovery if you give it time and stay determined with enthusiasm that you can get sober.  Positive thoughts aren’t just a fad; they’re a must if you want to ensure success in your journey of recovery.  

Let’s get started…

First and foremost, I’m stating the obvious by saying this, but do this when you’re sober.  Being inebriated won’t help you keep up with the momentum of your sobriety.  Enough said. 

Second- put some thought into how you want your life to look like as a sober.  Not what you don’t want.  Putting what you want will only reaffirm your commitment to yourself towards sobriety.  By placing on the sobriety board what you don’t want, you will actually attract more of what you don’t want.  That’s because the Universe doesn’t acknowledge words like no, can’t, won’t, don’t, do not want,  etc.  In other words, positivity is the only language that the Divine speaks.  Getting fluent in this will help you with your sobriety board and your life.

Third- Place pictures of anything that fancies your taste on the board.  It can be quotes of motivation or inspiration, the dream vacation that you’ve never taken, pictures of your kids and/or pets, pictures of hobbies that you’ve been wanting to pick up but never did.  Whatever is going to inspire you and bring you joy, put it on the board.  

Once everything is to your liking and placed on the sobriety board, have the board where you will always see it.  Preferably somewhere in your bedroom so you can see it first thing in the morning.  Also taking a picture of your board and using it as a wallpaper on your phone will help you.  If you see it before you even get out of bed and are constantly seeing it on your phone, then you’ll be reprogramming your subconscious mind.  Remember, it’s the habit mind.  If you consistently see the board with the intention of getting sober, you’ll get yourself more motivated for your brand new life.  

Remain in a good mood while you’re making your board.  Our thoughts create energies which in turn becomes our realities.  So, if you’re begrudgingly cutting the pictures and pasting them onto the board, chances are that your manifestation won’t come to fruition with ease.  However, if you remain upbeat and optimistic while creating your sober board, then this will come towards you with grace.

Last but not least, have fun doing this!  Take your time and enjoy the moment.  

Alrighty, there you have it.  A super simple and effective way to get you into the right mindset and start slaying those demons of yours.  Remember, this isn’t a cure to the addiction- merely an action to take towards the road to recovery.  This can work for you if you allow it to.

If you know anyone that can benefit from this, be sure to share it with them.

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Stay zenspired and see ya soon!

Psychological addictions and substance abuse

Psychological addictions and substance abuse

I personally believe that those of us who suffer from alcoholism and/or drug addictions have a few or myriad of other addictions. Psychological, that is.

They can be anything from- an addiction to pain and suffering, feeling of unworthiness, not wanting to be loved, feeling incapable of being loved, negative thinking, worrying, the victimization of yourself, etc.

No one was born an alcoholic or drug addict.  Even if someone’s mom did drink during pregnancy- yes, the baby is born wanting alcohol, but the feeling dissipates with time. The need for drugs or alcohol ceases to exist.

The addiction(s) developed throughout the years by nurturing the addiction. The operative word is nurturing. Some part of us needed to provide support to ourselves that was lacking from our external environment. We just went about it the wrong way.  

In giving ourselves that safe space, we turned to the drinking and drugs as a form of solace and comfort.  That sanctuary, unbeknownst to us at the time, became our living hell.  But, it also provided us with a place where we just knew things were going to be better. 

After all, we didn’t have to live in our reality.  We had the opportunity to alter it and find a parallel universe where we didn’t have to be us.  We didn’t have to live the lives that we lived.  We didn’t have to be the people that we were.  We could be anyone- so why not be invincible and full of courageous moxie?!?

That’s where the trouble starts and doesn’t end unless you choose for it to cease.  But, at that point, we’re so far gone into the abyss of addiction, that we’ve forgotten how to live life sober.  

And feelings and emotions?!?  Well, “f*ck that” we say.  We don’t want to be burdened with anything that is going to stand in our way.  The problem is, what other way is there?  

It’s never served anyone to get annihilated. 

It doesn’t have to be a life of despair.  Unless that’s what you want.  It’s time to start your own inner revolution to be the best damn version of yourself.  And that means saying sayonara to the booze.  And when you do, the clarity comes.  Before you can gain a new perspective, you need to go back in time.

When we were children, we were indoctrinated with a set of paradigms that altered the trajectory of our lives- eventually leading down a rabbit hole of addiction. The great thing is that these so-called paradigms are nothing but dogmas. Dogmas are fallacies. It’s time to create a new truth.

What were you taught as a child? 

That’s the only question that you have to ask yourself, at least for right now- because you’ll come to see why you have the addictions you carry within yourself.

Take stock of your addictions…not the obvious tangible problems (drinking and/or drugs) that you’re facing, but your psychological addictions that are affecting the substance abuse. Take a few minutes or a couple of hours to look and tap into your own psychology. It will make the world of a difference in how you view yourself and your relationship with drinking or drugs. 

When you can witness what the other addictions are, you have the ability to no longer utilize drinking or drugs as an act of escapism or coping mechanism. Because you’re facing your inner demons head on. You’re taking accountability and ownership of yourself. That’s the first step to conquering the addiction.

This is not to say that once you heal yourself from within, you can go and party your ass off and be ok. Far from it. What I’m saying is that there are deeper root causes that contributed to our substance abuse struggles.

It doesn’t matter if you have a plethora of addictions. Hell, I did. And I still battle some psychological addictions after over three years of sobriety.

What matters is how honest you’re willing to be with yourself. Even if it’s painful, take inventory. It’s ok. That pain has been repressed for too damn long. It’s time for it to surface so you can breathe a breath a fresh air.

Here’s your opportunity to rewrite your narrative. What do you want it to be?

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Decade in Review

Decade in Review

As not just this past year comes to a culmination, so does the past decade.  It’s time to traverse within to see what can stay, what needs to go, and what needs some adjustment.

Can you believe it?!?  An entire 10 years of reflecting and soul searching is being asked of us to see what areas need revamping.

It’s time to declutter what no longer serves you for your highest good- whether its relationships that are beating you up, friends who don’t allow you to shine, clothes that don’t fit, books you won’t read, the junk drawer that begs to be organized, the piles of laundry and dry cleaning that you keep promising yourself you’ll get around to, or the stack of paperwork that’s been lingering around since the beginning of the year.

Whatever it is, it’s time to evaluate what you’re willing to settle for and what you expect to have.  This is more than making false promises to yourself.  It’s about committing to you and your expectations.

What you do now to ring in the new year will also bring in a new decade of changes.  So, it’s super important to make this count now- more than ever.  And with just a few weeks to spare, you’ve got plenty of time to get a head start on the magic you wish to call your life.  Even though its holiday season, if you devote just 10 minutes a day starting now, you’ll be way ahead of the game by the time you pucker up for that new year’s kiss.

I’m gonna help you out with some prompts to get you motivated to be a better improved version of yourself- the person that you aspire to be.  Let’s get started.

Physically declutter

Holding onto physical possessions when we don’t use them creates stagnant energies that eventually build up through time which results in negative energy.  You know those pics of the ex that you swear you’ll throw out but can’t seem to bring yourself to do it and thinking about them brings you sadness and despair?  Or the books that you keep saying you’ll read and seeing them when you walk by reminds you of the failed accomplishments?  Or the clothes that no longer fit which contributes to your lower self-esteem?  Or the old bills and paperwork that are sitting in a pile that you say you’ll get rid of and don’t so they just end up being a constant reminder of just how much you have to do but can’t seem to find the time to get around to doing?  Or the junk drawer which desperately needs to be organized and every time you open it, it becomes a reminder of how scattered your life has become?  Yeah, I think you get the point now.  It’s time to discard what doesn’t belong anymore.

Start with your bathroom and throw away any expired makeup and beauty products along with anything that you don’t use anymore.  Beginning with the bathroom is the easiest because it’s the least overwhelming.  It’s the smallest space so you can take this pretty easily in a minimal amount of time.  If you haven’t hoarded a plethora of products, you’ll be done in 10 minutes.

Books and paperwork- If you’re an avid reader like me, you’ll see that disposing of books is probably the most difficult because, after all, they’re trophies.  But, if you’ve been holding onto books for years without reading them, then there’s a very probable chance that you never will.  Donating them to your local library will make you feel so much better about yourself because now you’re contributing to a good deed.  Next in line is to go through all the paperwork, catalogs, and magazine subscriptions that you have stored in various rooms in your house and throw away what you no longer need.  If you hustle, you’ll knock it out in 15 minutes between both the books and the papers laying around.

Kitchen- Recycle all Tupperware that’s missing its counterpart.  If a bottom is missing a lid or vice versa, recycle it.  You’re not going to use it.  All the rubber bands that are in various draws and cabinets- place them in a jar or one of your mismatched storage containers.  Go through the pantry and throw away all expired spices, dried and canned foods.  Go through the refrigerator and freezer and do the same.  Remove anything that’s expired or that you wont eat anymore.  If you’re feeling extra ambitious, pull everything out and clean the entire fridge and freezer.  This will take a bit more time- an hour tops.  But, if you stick to one project a day at ten minutes a day, you’ll get it done in less than a week.

Living Room- Unless you hoard, this space should be super easy to declutter.  You may have some newspapers/magazines, paperwork (which were already discarded if you followed this process) and maybe some coats and shoes laying around.  Find a home for the coats and shoes and get rid of everything that’s taking up space along with negative energy when you look at the stuff laying around.

Bedroom- If you’re diligent and really stand behind your convictions of what needs to go, you’ll knock this one out so quickly.  You know what fits, what you love, what you don’t wear, what has been worn and washed too much.  Just bang it out- donate and/or sell your clothing and accessories to make a few extra bucks this holiday season and ring in the new year on a fresh and positive note.  If you’re on the fence about it, discard it.  When reading Marie Kondo’s book, one thing stuck with me.  If it doesn’t inspire joy or spark, get rid of it.  Which means that maybe pile is a definite no.  This is about you getting to be a better improved version of yourself.  Start showing the world that with how you present yourself.  Only fabulous pieces need to stay.  This isn’t to say that you have to go get a complete makeover and spend a ton of money on developing a new wardrobe.  Quite the opposite.  It’s about only keeping what you absolute adore.  In doing so, you’ll feel more confident and raise your standards not just in your wardrobe, but other facets of your life.

I’ve left out certain rooms because I am single and don’t have any children.  So, if you do, have the kiddos help out.  Ask them to clean their playroom and bedrooms and turn it into a game.  Reward them if you have to for their efforts.

Physical Cleansing

After you’ve thoroughly cleaned your home and rid yourself of all that clutter, it’s time to give your space a cleansing with sage or Palo Santo.  You can purchase a smudge stick at any natural food store or metaphysical store.  All you gotta do is light that bad boy up and wave the stick around your home with your doors and windows open.  Even if it’s cold where you live, it’s important that the doors and windows remain open while you smudge your home.  It gives the old energies a chance to be released.  If the entrances are closed, all the built up negative energies will remain trapped rendering the cleansing useless.  It only takes a few minutes of your time so make sure you do this before the new year.  You can just relax or say a prayer as you’re doing this ritual.

Relationship Decluttering

Is there anyone in your life that you’ve been meaning to say good riddance to but just can’t seem to find it in your heart to do so?  Especially with holiday season here?  It can be rough, but if its needed then now is the time.  If you put it off to make it a new year’s resolution, you run the risk of only delaying it even more when it comes time to say goodbye.  Not to mention, decluttering now will bring in the much needed fresh energies when the clock strikes midnight on the 31st.  Evaluate which relationships need either the boot or a merging of two minds.  Have the talks that you’ve been putting off.  See if the differences can be salvaged.  If not, then the good byes need to had now.  There never is a right or perfect time for anything.  The only right thing that you can do is stand firm in your convictions of what you need to do to keep you happy without trampling over anyone’s feelings.

If your relationships with others are doing pretty well and are healthy, but your relationship with yourself is on shaky ground, then it’s time to have a check-in with yourself.  What about your own relationship is making you unhappy?  Where do you feel like you’re dropping the ball with yourself?  Where are you falling short?  Are you not living up to your own expectations?  Are you giving too much of yourself to others that by the time it comes to take care of you, you’re too depleted of energy?. Do you not love yourself unconditionally?

These are just some sample questions to ask yourself.  Use them as a prompt or whatever else that may be surfacing to see what needs to be mended in your self-relationship.

Psychological Decluttering

This may be the most dreaded one on this list, but it’s the most crucial for your health, wellbeing, and happiness.  What limiting beliefs and blockages do you have that’s preventing you from moving forward?  If you’re not aware of what they may be, this is time to take an inventory of what needs to be purged.  Sit in silence and ask yourself the questions.  The first response to surface is going to be your answer.  Now it’s time to release that mindset.

Maybe you’ve tried affirmations to think in a different manner and it hasn’t worked.  Here’s why: our conscious mind is operating at 5% of the time whereas our subconscious minds are working over time at 95% of the time.  Writing something down on a piece or paper or repeating the same declaration isn’t going to change the way your subconscious mind thinks because it’s not believing anything other than past patterns and behaviors.  The conscious mind is the creative mind whereas the subconscious mind is the habit mind.  In other words, removing your subconscious blockages is the gateway to your own liberation.

It’s super simple to release your blockages and limiting beliefs.  It doesn’t even require your time because you can do it while you’re sleeping.  All you gotta do is go on YouTube and look up videos on programming your subconscious mind while you sleep.  Whichever topic you feel needs clearing, just listen to that video with your headsets in.  Old habits don’t have to die hard…they just need to be rewritten.

Make yourself a priority starting now

In decluttering what’s not helping you to progress forward, you also have to remove the mentality of you coming last in order to cater to others.  Now, you may think that you have to be there for others or worse, that its selfish to make yourself a priority.  But, your needs have to come before other people’s wants.  If you’re not taking care of yourself, it’s only a matter of time before you crumble.  And this can’t be put off until the new year when it’s time for resolutions, it has to start now.

I can tell you from past experiences that I used to be so guilty of sacrificing my own happiness for the sake of others.  And in the rare times that I needed to focus on me, people didn’t understand and I would be called selfish.  Those are toxic relationships.  Unfortunately for me, I didn’t see it that way at the time.  So, I would give up what I needed for self-care just so I wouldn’t be called selfish.  I bent over backwards even more to take care of others.  It got to the point that I unleashed my fury and completely lost it and cut everyone out of my life.  That wasn’t right of me either.  Had I put my put down from the beginning and really not have cared about the names I was being called by others, I wouldn’t have sounded like a lunatic when I went on my rampage of clearing what or who I no longer needed in my life.  I tell you this so that you can have more tact and grace than I did.

If you need to say no to someone or to a holiday party so that you can have a reprieve from life, do it.  That guilt may eat away at you for a few minutes.  Which is much better than the resentment that’s going to be building within you until you eventually lose your cool.  Starting to make yourself a priority now will become a habit by the new year so you’ll have one less resolution to worry about.  And because you’re improving on yourself now, it’ll give you more optimism to slay those resolutions away come the new year.

That’s our decade in review.  It will take some work, but it’s also worth the efforts that you put in now.  Just think…if you wait 3 weeks to do these things, you’ll still be in the same spot then.  So, if you start now, you’ll be much more equipped at the beginning of the year to start with fresh and positive energies.

Take some time to reflect and visualize on what you want 2020 and the next decade to look like for you.  When you do, you’ll be so much more motivated to start decluttering your life and to welcome in your dreams.

If you know anyone that can benefit from this, please be sure to share it with them.

Until next time…stay zenspired!

How to find happiness in sobriety- 5 prompts to guide you

How to find happiness in sobriety- 5 prompts to guide you

I get a recurring question so many times…can I be happy without alcohol?  And I in fact used to ask myself this question all the time when I first sobered up. The answer is a hell yes. You can and will find happiness in sobriety and I’m going to show you how.

It seriously used to bother me when those who were sober proclaimed that happiness came as a result of abstaining from alcohol.  And even more so, that these people had loads of more fun without the help of alcohol. 

Well, I can attest to both of those declarations since I’ve been sober over three years now.  I’m saying this because if you’re rolling your eyes in perplexity at my own proclamations, I used to be the exact same way. 

After all, alcohol makes us more fun!  Well, yes and no.  It does until it doesn’t. 

Alcohol provides the illusion that we need it to have more moxie, confidence, and allure.  The only problem is that there is absolutely nothing sexy about not remembering what you did the previous night when you wake up in the morning.  You then have to go through your phone to see who you may have texted and/or called only to make your rounds of profusely apologizing for your bad behavior the night before.  It becomes a vicious cycle of you needing to drink in order to boost your self-esteem and being more sociable, to it biting you in the ass because you somehow passed the point of no return.  

Yeah, we can see how this is playing out…that’s anything but fun.  Once the humiliation hangover starts to creep in, it turns into a vow of never doing that again.  But, again comes over and over.  

So, if that isn’t motivation enough to start bringing the fun and happiness back into your life, then I’ll give you a few more examples.

Find the root cause of your unhappinessit will help you to find happiness in sobriety

You may think that this is simple and because the answer is so blatantly obvious, you can to skip right over this step.  Don’t pass up on this one.  The reason I say this is because you’re looking for the root cause here; not scratching the surface area of your lack of happiness.  Take a plunge into the source of the unhappiness.

Asking yourself the deeper questions will help you to find the underlying cause of why you aren’t happy.  

Let me give you an example.  Say your finances aren’t where you want them to be.  Why not?  Is it because you’re in massive debt that you don’t know how to rebuild from the ground up?  If so, what’s preventing you from asking for a raise or even seeking a better paying job?  Do you feel a sense of shame, guilt, or embarrassment asking for more? 

Here’s another example.  Your sobriety; or lack of.  You’re clearly unhappy if you keep attempting sobriety but just can’t seem to last more than a certain period of time before you relapse.  Why is that?  Is it because some part of you feels unworthy of happiness?  Some part of you feels you’re not equipped to succeed?  The voice in your head telling you that you’re not destined for lasting and true happiness?

Again, those are just a couple of examples to help you get started.  You know your situation much better than I do so you’ll know which questions you need to ask yourself based on what areas need a revamping.

To find happiness in sobriety, you need to find hobbies

This may be tricky, especially if drinking is/was your favorite pastime.  Or if you equated fun to drinking.  When drinking is the same old song and dance, it’s just not fun. It becomes a burden.

Write down everything you like to do other than drinking.  You may notice a theme here- often times, what you do for fun is somehow tied into drinking or being drunk.  And that’s ok.  It’s important to recognize the patterns so you can nip them in the butt.  

If you’re feeling brave and courageous, could you try doing one of these activities sober and see how it is?  If not- again, that’s ok.  

This is about your comfort level but expanding beyond it slowly while also respecting your boundaries and accepting where you are.  

Were you able to conquer an activity remaining sober? How did it make you feel?  Write it down.  Whatever emotion surfaces and comes to mind is ok.

Did you feel nervous and uneasy in the beginning?  And as time elapsed, did you start to gain your confidence and empowerment?  Were you having fun?  

If you weren’t able to or aren’t ready to participate in one of your favorite pastimes as a sober person, maybe it’s time to conjure up new hobbies.  The reason is because maybe the lack of hobbies or only doing them when you’re dunk is hindering your growth.  

If that’s the case, you have a clean slate to start from.  And it’s wonderful because you’re now discovering who you are as a person so creating new hobbies is the added bonus here.  

Need to dabble more into self-acceptance? Read this.

Take a journey in your own mind

Travels don’t have to be dedicated to physical distances.  They can be for mental exploration as well.  When you take the time out to reflect on your day, your relationships, your life, your expectations, your goals, ambitions, hopes, and desires, you gain a wealth of information about yourself.  

When I sobered up over three years ago, I dug so deep within myself and my psyche because it was the first time in my entire life that I was processing emotions as a sober person.  It was scary as hell, but so liberating at the same time.  I found myself.  And that’s why I’m asking you to do the same.  To help you find who you are.

Take time to ponder in solitude about who you are. You’ll gain an enormous advantage over your addiction.  Reaching for the bottle prevented you from doing the inner work. Now that you’ve said sayonara to the booze, this is when the soul searching begins.  Because this is essentially a rebirth, you get to be anything and anyone you desire.  

Travel your mind and see who you want to become.  What and who do you want to be in one month?  Six months?  A year?  

Romanticize and fantasize about yourself and this massively upgraded version of you.  Digging into the crevices of your own mind will bring the darkness to the light, eventually bringing you more fun and happiness.

Ask yourself why you feel you don’t deserve happiness

I briefly covered it in the first question, but this is where you get into the specifics.  If you struggle with happiness because it seems to be eluding you, there’s some part of you that feels undeserving and unworthy of it.  

Happiness isn’t a destination to be achieved.  It is the present state in which to be lived.  In other words, happiness starts with right here and right now.  

Which means that you can find happiness, especially in sobriety. It’ll be easier now that you’ve got a clear head.

As easy as it may be to look to your situation(s) why you’re not happy, that will only make it worse.  It’s an inside job.  Your external environment won’t create your bliss.

Only you can do that.  That’s right…the dream home, dream job, dream spouse, dream life will not cure any ailment, including your happiness.

Have a look within to see where it’s culminating from.  What about your present situation feels robbed?  Are you harboring guilt, anger, bitterness, resentment from the past, which is ultimately preventing you from happiness?  Anything you need to release?

To find true and lasting happiness in your sobriety journey, you have to ask yourself the questions that are painful. Stick with it. You will find the light.

What are your expectations?

What do you expect out of life? Your external world? Yourself?  Write it all down.  

Reflect on it.  Is what you’re getting in alignment with your expectations?

If you’re consistently not living up to your standards, you can’t possibly be happy.  This is probably the easiest thing to see because it’s so obvious, but also the hardest to implement.  Boundaries can’t be enacted overnight.  It takes a commitment to yourself to not only start, but to consistently maintain. 

That friend who always calls you at the worst time and you always tell him/her that you can’t talk- but they absolutely insist they won’t take too much of your time and so you cave only to find three hours have passed since the phone call.  

Or the friend who is always late because some ridiculous drama happened to him/her on the way to meet you and they claim you won’t believe what happened to them- but you do because something always happens to them and it pisses you off, but you don’t speak up for fear of hurting their feelings.  

But, guess who’s emotions are now being affected?  Yours.  Well, it’s time to mean what you say and say what you mean.  

It’s time to walk the walk.  

What are your expectations for yourself?  Are you going to keep settling for mediocrity? Or are you going to raise your standards to provide you with what you need; happiness?  

And if you don’t know what your expectations are right now in your life, that’s ok.  But, you do owe it to yourself to figure it out.  Take time to think about it and the answers will come.

The inner work and soul searching will help you to find happiness in sobriety as long as you step up to the plate and take charge of yourself, your life, and ultimately, your happiness.  It’s not attained in one evening, but you will get there.  You just have to keep asking yourself the introspective questions.

And please remember that in the futile pursuit of happiness, you’re only chasing paper planes.  Because happiness isn’t to be sought after- that’s not the goal.  The goal is to understand that happiness is here in this moment.  

When you come to learn about the underlying foundation of your psyche and what prevents you from attaining bliss, you’ll come to achieve what’s been so elusive to you.  It hasn’t been a destination after all.  It was all within you and always will be.  When that clicks, everything else in your life falls into place.  Including finding happiness in sobriety.  

If you know of anyone that can benefit from this, please be sure to share it with them.

Until next time…stay zenspired! 

❤️❤️❤️,

Eva

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