Changing The Way You Feel About Yourself In Sobriety

It’s so strange, isn’t it, that when we’re finally getting our lives on track and looking out for ourselves probably for the first time in our entire lives, there’s so much shame shrouding us. It doesn’t exactly make sobriety feel liberating, but more like a cage that we’re trapped in. And the harder we try to get out, the more suffocating it feels.

There’s a part of you that wants to confront everything head on, but there’s also a part of you that’s too scared to look, because, what if you don’t like what you see? I get it, I was the same way. Here’s the thing- we can always change what we don’t like, including the way we feel about ourselves. We’re not eternally bound to our self-imposed labels.

The following tips may help you in your own journey. So, if you haven’t already, grab a cup of coffee or tea, and start witnessing yourself through a different lens.

REGULATE YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM

We can’t change the way we feel about ourselves when our brain and body are conditioned to gravitate towards unhealthy patterns- substance abuse, self-loathing,self-deprecation, toxic relationships, etc.

Safety is in the familiar, not the unknown.

Safety also isn’t about thinking our way out of it, it’s about feeling our way back to it. Do what makes you feel good about yourself- gentle and slow, rhythmic movements, walking, yoga, your favorite hobby, visiting a museum, dancing, etc. The more you engage in things that make you feel good, the more you’re telling your body you’re safe, at peace, and you trust yourself, which will regulate your nervous system.

On a side note- for the first 6.5 years of sobriety, I was healing at a snail’s pace. It wasn’t until I started focusing on feeling safe within my own body that things quickly accelerated. Which is why I put this at the top of the list. Because we can try all the tried and true, all the hacks, take all of the advice, but if our bodies don’t feel safe, we can’t make the sustaining progress we’re looking for.

REPROGRAM YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS MIND

Since around the time we were born, our subconscious mind started forming and about 70% of the information we absorbed was toxic. Our subconscious mind also doesn’t filter out information, so as ridiculous as something may sound, it’s getting stored in the memory bank.

At seven, our conscious mind started to get more active. But, the subconscious mind is the habit mind and operates about 95% of the time while the conscious mind, the creative mind operates about 5% of the time.

It isn’t enough to consciously want to change when our conscious mind isn’t in charge. We need to reprogram the program.

We do that through repetition until our subconscious mind absorbs it as a truth. Subliminals are so easy and effective and don’t require any effort on your end. You can check this post out to see how subliminals work.

BE KIND TO YOURSELF

We need to treat ourselves differently if we want to change the way we feel about ourselves. So, don’t allow anything short of respect from yourself, not even self-deprecating humor. As humbling as we may think it is, we say something enough times, and it becomes a belief. This goes back to the truths we feed our subconscious mind.

Be gentle with yourself. Have compassion for your mistakes. And forgive yourself for the times you wished you had done better. Even as awkward as it may feel, speak kindly to yourself. The more you practice this, the more you’re going to get used to it.

ENJOY THE LITTLE MOMENTS

Life isn’t about finding the meaning of it. Life is about what and how we give meaning to it.

So, take little moments for yourself. Even if you’re strapped for time, you can create rituals out of the things you’re already doing.

Take a moment to express gratitude when you’re drinking your coffee or tea, imagine the version of yourself you want to be when you’re in the shower, practice deep breathing while you’re washing the dishes, tell yourself you’re going to have an amazing day when you’re getting ready in the mornings and really feel into it.

You’ll be surprised how just a few repetitious shifts in your day quickly add up to creating a life you enjoy living. And the more you do this, the more reasons you have to feel good about yourself.

TAKE CHANCES

Take chances on yourself. It doesn’t have to be anything huge- it can be that project you haven’t finished, signing up for the class you’ve been wanting to try, trying a new recipe. Those little steps you take give you confidence. Eventually, that confidence will grow, encouraging you to take bigger steps.

Also, the little steps help us to create a new comfort zone with ourselves, signaling to our brain and body that we’re safe. Remember, safety is in the familiar and danger is in the unknown. So, when you take those small chances, you’re conditioning yourself to get out of survival mode.

STOP COMPARING

No two journeys are the same. And I get it, with the internet, it can make it hard to not see someone else’s life and wonder where you went wrong. Yes, you’ve made mistakes. We all have. That doesn’t mean that you’re morally inept. It just means you’re human, learning life as you live it.

And please, don’t compare yourself to past versions of yourself. Because this version of you right now has a capacity to hold the pain while also honoring your journey in a way that the older version of you didn’t know how to. You deserve your own compassion.

I hope these tips help in your own sobriety journey. And in the moments that a day is too long and a minute is eternal, take it one breath at a time.

I’ll see you soon…in the meantime, love yourself so much that even a Hallmark Christmas movie would be jealous.