Growing up, my mother would throw out whatever she decided I didn’t need anymore- toys, clothes, presents from friends and family. I had no say in what got thrown out and most of the time, I didn’t even know because I was at school. One time, I came home and our dog of eight years was gone. She gave her away and I never saw the dog again.
When I got older and began buying things for myself, I became territorial over my possessions. I didn’t just covet them, they made me feel safe. And in the rare event that I lost something, it would eat away at me for months, sometimes years. Even if I willingly let go of things, it would tear me apart.
It was more than a resistance to letting go, it was that I was willing to sacrifice my values just to feel the false sense of security something or someone gave me, even if people harmed me. I even held onto toxic habits because I couldn’t fathom a goodbye.
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So, I created a way to release things and relationships without feeling like I lost my safety and security in the process. We’ll call them closure rituals. This helps to say goodbye to what once was and to open yourself to new beginnings.
In some cases, when it’s hard, I’ll hold onto the things I once cherished until I’m ready to release it. If it’s a person, well, it’s been easy since I saw how embarrassingly low my standards were.
If you’re struggling with letting people go, just keep feeling your emotions. The more we allow our emotions to surface, the less control they have over how we feel. If these are toxic people, what I’ve done in the past is to replay the bad memories. It reminds you of everything you don’t want.
Also, regulating your nervous system helps this process even more. When you feel safe within yourself, you won’t feel like your security is being threatened when you part ways.
WAYS TO REGULATE YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM:
- Somatic exercises
- Yoga
- Meditation
- Gentle movements
- Walking
- Anything that brings you peace
Closure Ritual:
- Light a candle or incense to set the tone and help you feel calm. You can even set an intention- releasing for fresh starts, fearlessly letting go, trusting that everything is unfolding exactly as it should, embracing new beginnings, anything you want.
- Close your eyes. Inhale slowly. Exhale slowly. Repeat until you feel relaxed.
- Ask yourself these questions:
What weight did this person/possession carry in your life?
What sense of security did this person/thing provide- comfort, warmth, status, reliability, dependability, etc.?
Do you feel deserving of something/ someone better suited for you?
How did this thing/person make you feel about yourself most of the time?
Do you feel like you’re missing out if you no longer have this person/ thing? If you feel like you’re missing out, explore it. It’s an unhealed wound- lack of self-worth, externalizing our safety and security, abandonment, rejection, etc.
Can you open yourself to trusting that there is something better for you or someone who’s more aligned with your values? If not, that’s ok. Part of letting go is being honest with how we’re feeling.
The remainder of the closure ritual depends on what you’re releasing. Just scroll down to what you need to complete it.
If this is a material possession- hold it in your hands. Thank it for the time you had together- the laughs, the cries, the memories you’ll cherish because of it. I know it sounds cheesy but one of the reasons we have such a hard time letting go is because sometimes goodbyes are permanent. So, when we have gratitude even for the frivolous things that once made us happy, we open ourselves to allowing new beginnings instead of fearing something leaving.
If this is someone you drifted apart from and things were left on good terms, but you just went your separate ways- hold the moments you shared with them in your mind. If you have pics, take a walk down memory lane. When you’re ready, thank them for being a part of your life and the amazing times you had with them. This may take a few times before you’re ready to part ways. That’s ok.
If this was a toxic relationship that you need closure from- you can try this candle releasing spell to remove their energy. It’ll help you to purge whatever hold they had over you so you can feel like yourself again.
Remember this- if the Universe/God are guiding you to release something/ someone, it’s because they see what we can’t see. This redirection is for your protection. Your blessings are on the other side of resistance.
I’ll see you soon…in the meantime, love yourself so much that even a Hallmark Christmas movie would be jealous.
