Getting to a place where I felt healed enough wasn’t something that came easily for me. Far from it. After so many false starts, I didn’t know how to trust when I was ready to emerge from the shadows.
What I did know was how I didn’t want to feel. I didn’t want to have anymore moments when I asked myself, “Oh My God, why was I so emotionally slutty?” after over sharing intimate details about my life.
I also didn’t want to feel like my insecurities were brandished on me. And I definitely didn’t want to obsessively replay conversations in my mind wondering if what I said was taken out of context, if
I said the right thing, if I could have been more likeable, etc.
When I began to feel like I was healed enough, it wasn’t because I was focusing on “curing” the things I thought made me an aberration. It was because I started focusing on bringing my energy back to me so I could start liking myself.
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The version of ourselves that struggles with finding our worth scatters our energy- we give it to people we think we need to prove our worth to, we adjust our personalities to be palatable to everyone, we agree with people even when it goes against our values, we don’t speak up for ourselves because we want to be polite or we’re too scared to say something, we say yes to plans when we really want to say no, etc.
By the time it’s our turn to give our energy back to us, we’re depleted. We end up resenting ourselves and anyone who exploited our inability to say no. We’re also strangers to ourselves. We don’t know where or even how to nurture the untended parts of us. We may not even know what our own expectations are.
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It’s a gradual process. We’re building relationships with ourselves while letting go of people and mindsets we’ve outgrown- there’s an awkwardness to it. We don’t really know how to treat ourselves or what we need or even what our self-love language is.
It takes time and commitment, like any other relationship we build. The difference is this time the stakes are higher because we want more and better for ourselves. That means we have to get into alignment with what we want and change the relationship we have with ourselves- the way we speak to ourselves, the things we’re willing and unwilling to tolerate, develop concrete boundaries, honor our journey, we even have to change our mindset.
STOP COMPETING WITH YOURSELF
Yes, there’s a version of you that’s going to win. But, there’s always going to be a version of you that will lose. The more you try to compete with yourself, the more you’re telling yourself that you aren’t good enough. And that isn’t true. It takes us down a path of us creating truths that we eventually have to heal from. Loving yourself doesn’t require competition. It’s about confronting the parts of yourself you reject so you can accept yourself as you are.
WHAT DOES YOUR BODY WANT?
When you wake up each day, ask your body what it needs. Your body will answer you. It may be light stretching or walking or mediation or yoga, or maybe your body wants more intense movement or something else entirely. Whatever it is, listen to what your body wants, NOT what anyone else says about needing to have a strict and regimented routine that you need to follow every single morning or you’re a failure.
This seems so miniscule, but it adds up. You’re conditioning yourself to go within and become aware of what’s going on inside of you instead of focusing on the external.
LISTEN TO YOUR INNER GUIDANCE
The more you listen to other people’s advice, as well intentioned as they may be, the less you’re going to trust yourself. You have all the answers within you. It may not seem that way because of the chaos and confusion that surrounds certain decisions and circumstances, but that’s when you take a step back. Pause. And go within. Don’t make decisions in haste or anger. That’s never served us and never will.
STOP PROVING
You have nothing to prove to anyone, not even to yourself. You know you’re more than capable. You’ve made it this far. You’ve survived battles no one will ever know about, cried tears that only the Universe/God saw, and suffered in silence. And you made it through. The solitude was your preparation. Your days of proving and fighting to be seen and heard are done. Now, you need to rest in your power now so you can reignite your inner spark.
DECIDE TO BE DONE
Be done with the healing, the overthinking, the second guessing, the trying to prove your worth to people, apologizing for things that aren’t even your fault, for repairing irreparable relationships. Be done with it all. Be done with everything that isn’t contributing to your growth. And choose yourself instead.
I’ll see you soon…in the meantime, love yourself so much that even a Hallmark Christmas movie would be jealous.
