I was a 90’s kid…the days when we’d come home from school and watch MTV. Between the music videos and celebrities on TLR, it was hard not to get caught up in all of it.
I never worshiped them, but I definitely envied their lifestyle. All I could see was the glitz and glamor- the parties, the designer clothes, the jetsetting.
Anyway, I remember back in the day when Diddy would host his white parties. I remember feeling like it got more coverage than the Oscars. The way the media covered it- it was like we weren’t good enough for it. At least, that’s the way I felt.
We all have at least one memory- the one that hurts to revisit because it’s equally cringe and still stings. This is one of those memories for me. It sounds so silly even speaking about it now but I remember it reinforcing my already low self-esteem. There was a huge part of me that always wished I would get invited to these parties and would feel betrayed by the Universe when my wishes weren’t granted (I know. I know.)
Without fail, my intuition always loudly said, “No, you don’t.” At the time, I thought it was to make me feel better and lift my spirits so I ignored it. Because I never felt better. It’s like seeing all of that was a constant reminder of what a failure I was. And the complex I had kept growing.
Now I know differently. I know what my intuition meant and well, I see things from a different lens. But the years leading up to this perspective shift- I wallowed in what I didn’t have. I compared myself relentlessly to everyone who I thought had more or was better than me. I wasted perfectly good energy worrying about what doesn’t matter.
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It’s never as it seems, is it? We don’t know why we’re deprived of certain things. At least it feels that way until we learn that the deprivation was in fact, a blessing.
We don’t know why we encounter the same person in a different body until it hits us like a ton of bricks. Each person was a lesson surrounding our own worth and value so we could break cycles.
We don’t understand why when we want something, it’s like we have to climb mountains to get it. Then we realize that we’re building stamina, strength, and perseverance. It’s to guide us to becoming better improved versions of ourselves.
We don’t necessarily realize that what we’re being shown is nothing but an illusion. It’s a facade to show us what we don’t have, not everything we already have.
There is so much that we can’t see. And we’re not meant to. We’re meant to enjoy the here and now.
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Ever notice how when you panic and get frazzled, you still don’t know what your next steps are? Also notice when you’re just riding the waves of life, the answers don’t seem to come any sooner?
Either way, the answers come when they’re meant to. So whether we’re panicking or excited about living life, we still don’t have all of the answers.
Not all is as it seems because we’re not all as we seem. We have layers and layers of complexity, emotional depths that maybe we haven’t even reached yet, invisible scars that if we look at too closely, will become a spotlight shining on everything we don’t like about ourselves. Until we learn who we are, we’ll witness life from a distorted and cracked lens.
But when we choose how we live each moment, things change. When we choose to look at ourselves differently, we change. We can choose to live with the knowledge that everything isn’t as it seems, so take things as they come because anything else robs us from peace and happiness. It winds up disconnecting us from ourselves. It takes away from us creating meaning in our lives.
Take a moment and check in with a memory or a fragment in your timeline and ask yourself, “What story can I rewrite?” Because somewhere in you is a story that can be rewritten so much more beautifully if you just give yourself a chance.
I’ll see you soon…in the meantime, love yourself so much that even a Hallmark Christmas movie would be jealous.
