I’ve been quietly rebranding this site for the past several months, about nine. It wasn’t something I wanted to rush. I wanted to take my time curating the words, the emotions, the vibe.
For years, I fantasized about how the most embodied version of myself would show up. I’d imagine how she spoke, what her days looked like, who she kept in her inner circle, how she responded to trauma and those who tried to violate her sovereignty. I would tell myself, “one day, I’ll be her.” Because I wasn’t ready.
I needed to heal the parts of myself I abandoned to stay in relationships and environments I had outgrown. I needed to learn how to speak up for myself while dismissing the opinions of those who I knew shouldn’t hold a place in my heart.
There was a part of me that even though I wanted more, I was silently hoping people weren’t who they repeatedly showed themselves to be. I needed to learn to accept- accept people as they are, accept that certain cycles had run their course, accept that at the end of the day, it was me who kept selling myself short. I had to torch the bridges that were already burned.
And so, this rebrand grew from the bittersweet nectar of life. It’s a dedication to the past versions of me that died a thousand deaths, and for the chapters that remain to be unwritten.
It’s to honor the little girl that was broken till there was nothing left to break. To honor the woman who was defiled and dehumanized while having no one to root for her. And to honor the future version of myself, so that one day, she can look back with reverence and awe for not giving up on herself.
This is an apology to myself for not having my own back, for betraying myself all the times I needed me most. It’s a f*ck you to everyone that’s intentionally inflicted pain on me, those who dismissed me when I tried to talk about what was happening, and those who stood by watching, while doing nothing to help. This is a thank you to everyone who’s ever shown me kindness and that the world can be a gentle place. And most importantly, it’s an I love you to God/the Universe for refusing to give up on me even when I wanted to give up on myself, for holding my hand in this journey of what we call life.
This is a reintroduction of myself, if you will- for deciding to become the woman I aspire to be instead of imagining what it would be like to be her.
If you’re new here, welcome! I’m Eva, the holistic recovery coach and energy healer behind Cleen Carma to help you rewrite your story one breath at a time. And if you’re returning, thank you. There were so many times I questioned my sanity- if stepping into the unknown and exposing the vulnerable parts of myself was worth it. You’ve shown me that it has been.
Have a look around and stay awhile. And please do say hello!
Also, don’t forget to grab your FREE 10 minute energy healing with subliminals to be you, but better. You can get it here.
