Feeling All Of Your Emotions When You’re Sober

I used to be so avoidant, especially when it came to emotions and confrontation. As soon as I felt something I didn’t want to feel, I’d shove it right back down. And then I would berate myself for even allowing it to be exposed in the first place.

I noticed they would especially surface during yoga. All this anger would rise and I would ignore it for as long as possible until it was almost like yoga was doing me more harm than good. I didn’t know back then it was my body’s way of telling me to acknowledge the things that were ready to be released.

Outside of yoga, if I was already in a bad mood, it was like my mind was determined to keep me in psychological warfare. Memories I didn’t want to remember would suddenly appear and they wouldn’t leave me alone. The more I tried to shove them back down, the more they taunted me, until I became downright resentful of myself for not having control of my thoughts. Some were flashbacks- both emotional and physical.

This happened for most of my life and it was only within the past 5 years that I was able to tame it. The flashbacks completely stopped. But of course, there are still times when my mind looks for something, anything to be annoyed about.

It’s going to happen. Not every thought can be positive and we can’t always be in a good mood.

There also aren’t bad emotions. And it isn’t wrong to feel your emotions. It’s the way we express them that can make them unhealthy and volatile.

Denying how you feel because you “shouldn’t” feel a certain way is denying who you are. You owe yourself so much more than that. You’ve been through too much to ignore or repress any part of your experience. Honor your emotions, even if it feels uncomfortable. They’re sacred.

It doesn’t matter if the emotions surfacing are from 10, 15, 20 years ago. They’re coming up for a reason. They want to be seen and heard, not ignored. So acknowledge them. Don’t dismiss them. Lean into the discomfort.

You don’t have to confront the things you’re not ready to face. Gently peel away each layer of emotion until you’re ready to go deeper. This is about you learning to trust that you’ll be able to meet parts of yourself with compassion and gentleness each step of the way.

Cry those tears. Feel the anger. Explore the confusion. Sit with the grief. Love the rage. Each of these emotions are a part of you and your experience, not all of you.

Honor the things you don’t want to feel just as much as the feelings you love. That’s when you heal.

I’ll see you soon…in the meantime, love yourself so much that even a Hallmark Christmas movie would be jealous.