Every single one of us has those phases in our lives when we feel that no matter how we react or respond to situations, that nothing we do seems to be changing our outcomes. I know that I’ve had plenty of those moments and for about three years, I felt that for every step forward, I was taking three steps backwards. It wasn’t easy to get out of, but I did. As a result, I’ve flourished and would like to share the tools that I’ve utilized to help others.
It starts internally
Most of us have heard that our thoughts manifest our reality. Think about that for a moment and really let it sink in. I’ve always known this but never fully comprehended it. It was when I was fully aware that my negative mind will affect my external world, did my life truly change for the better. This isn’t easy because once you’ve created a habit of negative thinking, it eventually becomes an addiction. Addictions then become difficult to break because of how we’ve trained our minds. Yes, we have trained ourselves to think in a negative context! Because we were able to do that, we’re able to program our minds to think in only positive aspects. I’m no pro at this and still battle with the dichotomy of good and mind within my own mind, but when I’m aware that I’ve digressed into negativity, I’m able to bring myself back to the present and realize that there’s absolutely no reason for me to be angry, upset, irritated, grumpy, cranky, etc. To be completely conscientious of your mind is the quickest way to be positive but to heal yourself requires introspection.
So, we’ve briefly covered how to get out of a funk and now I will delve into the healing process of ourselves. To want to be free of pain is the first step in the healing process which also means that we can’t be emotional masochists to others and emotional sadists to ourselves. In case you’re confused, what I mean is that we cannot constantly allow the victimization of ourselves while being self-disparaging to be the prevalent themes in our lives. So long as we do this, we won’t heal. I know because I tried this for several years to no avail. Every time I was held back from living my own life according to my terms and conditions, I blamed others; from my parents because they didn’t provide the childhood that I wanted (even though it was amazing when I look back on it), to my sister because she and I weren’t as close as I wanted for us to be, to friends because they said things that hurt my feelings, to ex lovers because they made me angry to ex bosses because I was passed upon for promotions that I felt I had rightfully deserved. The list goes on and on and is so ridiculously long that I could write an entire novel for the amount of people that were at fault and I still wouldn’t even be able to name everyone. The bottom line is that I was refusing to take accountability for myself. I actually had the audacity to blame everyone else but me for my misery of an existence! If we get stuck in this rut, we will only continue to remain stagnant so long as we choose to be in this psychological warfare. To heal means to take ownership of your life. Yes, people do us wrong because not all of us are cut from the same cloth. Not all of us have the same code of ethics, the same moral compass, the same character and integrity. When people betray us, it’s a great learning opportunity- to learn how to have more patience, to be more compassionate towards others, to understand what we don’t want and are not willing to tolerate. If you’re holding a grudge, place yourself in someone else’s shoes and know that they are only doing as they were taught. If you’re feeling guilt over someone that you have wronged, let it go. You did exactly what you wanted to do at that moment in time. Whether or not it was right, it was what you wanted to do. In owning up to your feelings and emotions, you’ve ascended to a higher level and greater understanding of yourself. You’ve elevated yourself in your own self-growth.
When you recount the experiences that you wished hadn’t happened in your life, whether it was something that someone did to you or you having acted in a place of somewhat immoral behavior, you can start to dig a little deeper to delve into the root cause of your very own pain and suffering. It’s like peeling away the layers of an onion- you cry, sometimes uncontrollably, but when you reach the core, it is almost impenetrable because it is so strong and resilient. That center of the onion is where you want to strive for when you internally dig into the very depths of your soul. Having to relive past trauma does suck and is so unbelievably painful, but the end result is so incredibly worth it. Allow the tears to flow because without the present tears, the future ones will be a tsunami effect-it will remain dormant and then sneak upon you without any warning or mercy.
The more you repress the pain, the deeper do you actually feel pain. Let’s take your car for example. You either get an oil change every 1,000 miles or three months, whichever comes first. You wouldn’t deliberately defy this logic or ignore the “check oil” symbol because you don’t want your car to breakdown. You would abide by the simple principle that with proper maintenance, your car will run effectively and smoothly. The very same concept applies to ourselves. The same way that we care for our possessions is the same way that we should be caring about ourselves. Now, back to digging deeper. Allow yourself to surrender to your feelings and emotions temporarily so that you can free yourself permanently. Once you have figured out the why of your pain, there won’t be any need to continuously exhaust yourself with the consummation of pain.
It takes time and work. Self-development isn’t a walk in the park, it’s a psychological war within ourselves slaying away at our inner demons to win back control of our very own lives. I can personally say that I’ve won the war against myself and it feels fantastic as f*ck. You come out of it a survivor. To survive yourself is the greatest accomplishment that we can achieve in our lives. No one knows what we’ve been through because no one has walked our shoes. Everyone has been an outsider viewing us from their perceptions. Perceptions are nothing but fallacies. Fallacies have no place in our existence because we only want to live in truth. When we live in truth, we live in authenticity. Dig deep, get raw, and get happy.