Suffering from a heartbreak can feel so emotionally lethal. A part of you dies that can never be resurrected. But, sometimes it’s the part of you that needs to die.
We all have our hearts broken in one capacity or another during our lives. Pain is inevitable. But it doesn’t have to linger around any longer than it needs to.
The thing is that pain lasts in the human brain for between 12-20 minutes. Anything after that is self-inflicted.
Moral is pain is inevitable. Suffering from a heartbreak is optional.
I get it. A broken heart is so brutal to recover and bounce back from. I had one heartbreak which changed me on a cellular level. Transforming me in ways I never expected. Ultimately needed it. It was the only way for me to evolve.
However, some of the heart breaks were more of a regression in evolution. Whereas some of the heartbreaks catapulted me to triumph. Ironically, it was in de-evolution that I was able to soar to heights that were once unfathomable.
It was easier to observe my fallacies and shortcomings when my ego was bruised. The operative word here is ego. I learned to humble myself during the heartbreaks. It was through humility when i was able to see the bigger picture.
You need to be able to distance yourself from your ego if you truly want to heal on a deep level for a broken heart. Get into your heart center- where the authenticity is.
The question is, how do you triumph and not trump?
You need to feel your pain.
I know it probably sounds counterproductive given the earlier statement. I’m not talking about the pain of your broken heart from an ex. What I’m talking about is YOUR pain; where the heart centered truth is hidden.
To have a successful relationship with yourself, you need to pull out all the junk that’s been stored deep within the crevices of your psyche.
Let me give you an example.
The man who I thought was the love of my life shattered my heart in a thousand pieces about three and a half years ago. At least, that’s the way I perceived it at the time.
I wallowed. And sulked. And moped. I was suffering from the heartbreak for several months. Until I was struck with an epiphany, “Why is he the love of my life and I’m not the love of my own damn life?”
It hit hard. But it was also the wakeup call I needed. That’s when I started to delve deeper. In search of the pain that had been repressed.
Travel into your pain.
I was struck with another stark realization shortly after traveling into the abyss of my sorrows. This is one of those things I will never forget. I asked myself, “You say he broke your heart in a thousand pieces. What if he didn’t? What if the breakup was only meant to show you just how broken and damaged you are?”
Yet another painful truth that needed to be reconciled with. So I went deeper into the pain. Not because others had broken my heart. But the original heartbreak that kept perpetuating itself.
Wearing rose tinted glasses when you’re suffering from a heartbreak will only serve you for so long. It’s time to traverse to the root cause of your heartbreak.
Reality is your creation
The reality was this man never broke my heart. The past pain and suffering kept regurgitating to provide me with peace. But I was too blind to see it.
I didn’t want to work out the kinks of previous situations that led to my present-day circumstance because I didn’t want to feel any more pain. It was too much for me to handle.
So that breakup rocked me to my core. For me to finally see the truth behind the rose tinted glasses I refused to take off.
By refusing to feel the pain, I was only causing myself more pain. Which also meant I wasn’t experiencing joy. I was too numb to the senses. Any emotion other than pain was obsolete.
Which is exactly why I had to endure what I went through. To learn the integration of pain and pleasure. That one can’t exist without the other.
Whatever emotion I felt was because I wanted to feel that way. I didn’t realize it back then. It’s always been a choice. I chose pain and not happiness. I chose to live in the past and not the present.
It can be a blessing in disguise. Or it can be a permanent stain on your heart that influences future relationships.
The truth is no one can break our hearts if we don’t allow them to. We break our own hearts.
It may sound callous but there’s a deep burning truth to it.
That’s not to say I’m excusing anyone who didn’t act with integrity or dignity. Not at all. Even those who have inflicted intentional pain upon you served a purpose. It was to guide you to a journey of self-love. To become stronger than ever. Maybe even being a beacon of inspiration and hope for others.
If you were the victim of childhood abuse or sexual trauma, like myself, this can be tricky to maneuver. Because you clearly were not the predator in those situations. But did that victim mentality carry over into adulthood?
Mine did. And it took what seemed like an eternity to see how much crap I was allowing into my life. I succumbed to having been dealt a shitty hand at life. Which shaped my entire reality and existence.
I kept thinking I deserved pain and suffering. Naturally, I kept attracting it. A part of me felt like I needed it in order to survive. That was all I knew so I kept operating with outdated paradigms.
That’s a classic case of what NOT to do.
What I’m saying is to not allow yourself to be a product of your previous environment. That changed. So did you. You’re still fluctuating and evolving and always will be.
Your new growth can’t possibly carry the weight of yesterday on its back. It’s too heavy. Eventually, it will fall. It’s time to move forward with grace. Become the person you’ve always aspired to be.
Merely existing for the sake of trying to get by is cliched.
Especially when it comes to love. It doesn’t have to be that way anymore. Your life no longer has to be dictated by external forces when you make the conscious decision that it will no longer alter your life.
You’re meant to thrive and not just survive. Invite yourself to lift your spirits. Not break your own will.
Don’t just meander through life. A brand new opportunity is beckoning on the horizon. Answer the call of the future. Not the corpse of the past.
The moment you decide that you suffering from a heartbreak isn’t going to impact you in a negative manner is the instant you free yourself. Your broken heart will heal when you’ve had enough of it. Don’t allow yourself to be in bondage from yesterday’s burdens.
Free yourself and breathe in the new air that life after a broken heart has to offer. Because when you do, you come to gain a clarity on why you had to have an emotional catastrophe.
The only way for you to love more than you ever thought possible is to suffer through hatred and pain.
Otherwise, how else will you ever know what love is? You wouldn’t have anything else to compare it to.
You’re not meant to be suffering from a heartbreak to incapacitate you. You’re meant to suffer from a broken heart to tap into your core. So that you can allow the past pain to surface and eventually, heal from.
Do you want to grow and prosper through despair?
Or do you want to be a victim of the past?
Unwilling to slay the demons?
It’s up to you. The state of suffering is when you rise like a Phoenix from the ashes.
You can’t truly experience pleasure without having experienced what pain feels like.
To understand the depths of love, you need to understand the despair of pain. One doesn’t exist without the other. Love without pain is a fallacy.
Use the pain as a catalyst for growth. Find catharsis in learning to heal. Through healing, you learn to love like you’ve never been hurt.
What you shouldn’t do is to allow life to pass by because of pain. It will only bring more heartbreak. The days of you being an emotional masochist towards others is over. You’re not a sacrificial lamb. It also means you can no longer be self-sadistic.
It’s time to heal your broken heart for yourself. Not because someone else is to blame. But because of what needs to be a bygone.
No one can come in and save the day for you. Or even take you on as a project. You are your own savior.
You’re the one person you’ll be having the longest relationship with in your life.
You might as well start to enjoy your own company. Become your own best friend. Learn to cultivate a loving relationship with yourself. Relish your oasis of solitude. Make a commitment to yourself to build an indestructible internal foundation. When you do, you love yourself too much to let anyone break your heart. Because you know no one can ever really break you.
Foster a relationship with your pain so you can move forward. Take a dive beneath the surface. See where the pain is really coming from. You’ll come to realize that the broken heart from the ex was merely an illusion. Giving you an opportunity to heal more than ever before.
Allow the pain to be your guru. It will guide you to where you need to go. To unveil the blindfold to happiness. It takes time and patience but you’ll get there. You can be an active participant in your life. Or you can be a bystander.
Don’t fall victim to your pain. Befriend it so you can heal. Cherish the growth that only pain can provide. Transcend the pain into pleasure. Suffering from a heartbreak is a necessity to find your happiness.
What are your thoughts about this? Let me know in the comments below!
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