When I got sober, I had no one- no AA, rehab, therapy, friends or support from family. I also didn’t read quit lit, join social media groups, or watch how other people were doing it. I didn’t do it because I didn’t want to compare myself to anyone else and their journey.
The first time I got sober, that was all I did. It became an obsession. I was so fixated by how much time they had and how amazing their lives must have been.
I was so in awe of them. And the more I did this, the more I hated myself. It became this vicious cycle of wanting to be a better version of myself, but not a healed version. It was in a superficial and shallow sense, though those weren’t my intentions.
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I had no idea how to do sobriety back then. All I knew was that I wanted to be anyone but myself.
When I couldn’t live up to the expectations of not being me, I created wars within, destroying parts of myself. Those parts of me died a thousand deaths and are beyond the point of resurrection. But in a good way. Those parts were just illusions of who I thought I was.
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We’ve all imagined someone else’s life through our lens and wonder why we can’t compare. It erodes the little self-confidence we have. And when we can’t have the lives they have, well, nothing makes us feel more defeated and weak. Which does little to help us heal.
We also can’t guilt or shame our way into being “better.” We need to be kind and gentle with ourselves while also respecting ourselves. It’s the only way we’ll gain the confidence, happiness, and inner peace we’re seeking.
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It’s humbling- to witness how distorted your own lens were on yourself. How little credit you’ve given yourself. Because if it were someone else who survived what you endured, you would be in awe.
You would want to be them.
So the next time you find yourself comparing yourself to someone else and their journey, please remind yourself of that sentiment.
You are the inspiration.
Start showing up like you are the muse. Wake up each day with purpose. Walk into each room like you were divinely led there. Live the life you know deep in your soul you are meant to live.
Give yourself grace. Be grateful to be you and proud of what you’ve overcome. See the value in yourself and what you contribute.
Don’t compare. Create.
Create meaning in your life.
Create a version of you that your current self would be so proud of.
Create magic in the mundane.
Create memories you’re happy with.
Create beauty from within.
Create adventures filled with laughter.
Create a legacy.
I’ll see you soon…in the meantime, love yourself so much that even a Hallmark Christmas movie would be jealous.