We all go through phases when the martyr becomes the dominant side of our personality. While compromising is a great attribute, it isn’t when it’s at the expense of your well-being.
Finding that imaginary line between crossing the thresholds into martyrdom versus remaining happy with who you are can be rather tricky and somewhat deceptive. You don’t want to take a stand for yourself in a callous manner and wind up having to apologize for how you reacted. But you also don’t want to be a doormat for anyone else’s stampeding ground. When it happens, it usually causes an influx of questions followed with “what if” scenarios which ultimately is a waste of time because you can be accomplishing so many other things.
Usually, the easiest way out of this is to figure out why we’re so upset in the first place. While it’s not always easy to decipher the cause of how we feel, it can be done. Just because others may find our emotions to be illogical, it doesn’t make our feelings unwarranted. We all have triggers to feel a certain way. Most of the time, it happens to be a childhood trauma that hasn’t been worked through which in turn leads into permeating our psyche, thus shaping why we act the way we do.
When no matter what you do seems to be going in your favor, it’s super easy to feel that every area of your life is being blocked. Sometimes you may even feel that there’s some divine force at play to conspire against your very happiness. It can be so easy to allow this feeling of entrapment to fester in your own pain, but it’s much tougher to prevail, but oh so rewarding.
Different circumstances will require different tactics to overcome adversity, but for the most part, a few simple ones tend to work the best. Obstacles can and will occur, but remember that things are very simple. We only insist on making things complicated. That’s not to say that you’ve created yourself a spider web of difficulty, but rather you’ve allowed your very own mind to spin it out of context. The complexity isn’t in the nature of the situation. It’s in the nature of your thoughts.
After all, how many times have you blown something out of proportion in your mind only to have a superfluous outcome? Have you afterwards questioned why you created a mountain out of a mole hill in the first place? And even worse, disparaged yourself for having been so irrational over nothing?
It’s the unwillingness to problem solve effectively or even worse, dwell on all the possible “what ifs” from the infinite scenarios that’s been birthed by your mind. The unwillingness is because our brains are trained to survive, not succeed. So, when you’re in an uncompromising situation, your brain is in survival mode because it doesn’t want to tread into uncharted waters.
So, how do we get ourselves out of a funk? Read on below to find out how.
Here are a few ways that you can use to remain grounded.
Sleep on it
Making a decision in haste can be so counterproductive for us. Our emotions shouldn’t dictate our actions, but it can and does. If we allow it to, which certainly has happened to me, then we usually come to regret it afterwards. Which in turn, makes us feel worse. Taking the time, without taking too much time, to allow your emotions to ride through the forces will allow you to make more rational and sound decisions.
So, what does taking too much time mean? To let several weeks go by that could negatively impact your life will only make a situation worse. The indecision is in itself a decision.
All we really need are a few days at most to be making strategic decisions. It shouldn’t take any longer than that. At that point, we have a tendency to get complacent with not doing anything that we wind up not doing anything.
2. Use your intuition
This may sound so cliche, but deep down, you have all of the answers to your own questions.
I personally don’t like to seek advice from others because my intuition has always been rather strong. The times that I did follow someone else’s advice would have me come to later regret having listened to another person over my own voice.
Now, this does not mean ignoring professional help. If you’re contemplating a divorce, then you seek the advice of a divorce attorney. If you’ve tried every diet there is and are still failing to lose those extra pounds, then maybe it’s time to see a dietitian/nutritionist. If your car breaks down, then you go to a mechanic. You don’t fix it yourself. I think you get the point by now.
Using your own inner voice not only forces you to harness your self-confidence, but it encourages a trusting process with yourself. The more you follow this, the greater your self-esteem will be because you will see that you’re so much smarter than you ever gave yourself credit for.
3. Take a step back and ask yourself why
If you feel that areas of your life are being hindered, ask yourself what areas are being impacted. Then ask yourself why you feel that there’s no progression. If it’s an external force, like work, family, friends, a significant other, is it really them? Or is it because you didn’t speak up when you had the opportunity to and are now mad at yourself?
Chances are that the answer is the latter. And that’s more than ok. It’s normal. We’ve all been in uncomfortable situations that we wished we didn’t have to be in, but that’s life. It’s a learning process.
We can’t always have things be easy peasy because than the rewards after the struggles wouldn’t be nearly as gratifying. Think about how elated you felt after having worked your butt off to get the exact outcome you’ve worked your butt off for. Weren’t you floating on cloud nine for about a week or even several weeks? No matter how badly someone attempted to steal your thunder, your zen was impenetrable? Well, you wouldn’t have those feelings if you didn’t have the sucky ones.
4. Practice gratitude
I’m sure most of you are finding me to be redundant with expressing gratitude. But, there’s a reason why I mention this in so many of my posts…because it works! When we establish a consistent gratitude practice, not only do we realize that we don’t really have problems but rather pseudo problems, we come to find the blessings in the most minuscule of things. Like the vibrant blue sky, the mattress that we wake up one, the hot showers we have, the food we consume, our health, our education, our lives. The gratitude practice will eventually cease the blockages.
These super simple methods of bringing yourself back to climbing your self-growth ladder will have you feeling more confident in due time.While there may not be immediate results, as long as you keep applying these guidelines, you’ll have lasting empowerment.We want sustaining growth rather than instant gratification.Sure, you can always take the easy way out or use shortcuts to get what you want, but the outcomes will be just as short lived. Take the time to work your butt off on yourself for yourself.See the blessings in even your blockages and witness the miracles that occur.